Not-exact Quote of the moment:
"This is for a kid who thinks he hasn't seen anything good today." -Ferris Bueller

I'm in a confused mood right now. I feel like I'm somewhere between the end of the beginning and whatever comes next. I don't have time for life. I don't have time for the life I used to live, and I'm not ready to make time for the life I need to live. I feel like an ant under a glass, like I'm increasingly constricted and the only way to escape is to draw the walls in even closer. There is a feeling that I can't escape, only postpone when I stay busy or absorb myself in something brainless, that it never gets any better than it is now. Little enough encouragement that may be, but despite it I feel that I ought to make more of my life now rather than fret about the future. But I can't. The future hunts me like a fugitive, as a force of nature that never relents, only waits for the next opportunity to strike. The past haunts me when I let it, and every time I try to take a lesson from the past to guide my future, I only sink into those transgressions further, or make greater mistakes. I want more than anything to love and to be loved in return, and I let exactly that slip through my fingers. I let the best parts of everything slip through my fingers, leaving a skeletal existence, dancing disjointed from sadness to sadness. Where is the marrow of life? I am merely on the journey from innocence to experience, and already I wish to reclaim all that has been lost, but I am pushed forward and the only way to go smoothly is to want it, to revel in it. I have to want to let go of more things that I cherish now and will miss in the future. Life requires forward movement, and in it a transition from happiness to sadness. Say if you will that I am missing the positive in all this, but when the only moments in a day that I have to think about my life leave me "a wiser and a sadder man," I find it hard to be positive. Reading Blake, Wordsworth, and Coleridge may not be helping, but not reading can't hide me from the truth: life moves on, regardless of whether I'm with it. It's just days like these that make me wish I could just let it go on a while without me. It's days like this I'd rather let somebody else be the hero.


"There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary"
- Foo Fighters