Now Playing:
Velvet Revolver, the whole CD (because it kicks ass!)

I intended to post on Thursday night, but instead chose to spend that time writing a real letter to a certain friend of mine :) Naturally, Friday was occupied with final concerns with summer research, then moving out. I did have some thoughtful things to say, but they've been somewhat beaten out of me.

All in all, the last few days have been bittersweet. In many ways, this was the best summer I have had yet; in other ways, this was by far the worst. Regardless of which takes greater importance, I was rather sad to leave on Friday. Lack of sleep and a general desire to get done with moving home kept me motivated, but the afternoon and evening passed in a rather dazed state. Saturday went well enough, with the drive down to NC passing generally uneventfully. Hanging out with my best friend and his girl on Saturday night was pretty awesome as well. He had better come back from overseas in one piece or I may have to kick his ass in the afterlife.

Being sleep-deprived again on Sunday, the day didn't start all that well, but the rainstorm that hit that afternoon made things significantly worse. Pouring rain and the occasional hydroplane-causing puddle thoroughly ruin a 75 MPH stretch of highway. The day ended with me almost getting a decent amount of sleep for the first time in weeks. It was bright and sunny on Monday morning, and the camp at which my friend is a counselor (an awesome one, I hear) was positively beautiful.

After an excellent lunch and coffee (and sad goodbye), we headed home. Naturally, a couple hours into the drive, we hit the same storm again, only this time we went pretty much through the entire thing. And it hadn't rained out at all - it was still pouring when the sun set. The only thing worse than driving on unfamiliar roads in the pouring rain is doing so at night. Just when I thought things were bad enough, we hit the more rural stretch between Richmond and DC. Which lacks reflectors in the lines. So I'm driving along in my 8th hour behind the wheel, wipers on hyperspeed, squinting at the near-invisible dashed white lines, doing 70 and getting passed anyway by tractor trailers, which kicked up so much water that I thought I was in a carwash...

Finally we made it home and I collapsed into bed. About 24 driving hours, 1000+ miles, and dozens of Propel waters, frappuccinos, iced coffees, and diet sodas later, my first road trip was over. It was awesome to see my friends and good to get more driving experience. Do I ever want to drive again? Probably. Do I want to see a steering wheel any time in the next month? NO.

Now playing:
"Chariots of Fire" Theme
 
FWAHAHAHAHAHA...
 
I've never been one to stake health on a statistic, and I really don't even care what I weigh if I'm healthier and look better.  That said, there's nothing to boost the ego quite like hopping on a scale and seeing the lowest number in years.  No massive change, but it makes me really optimistic about the next few months.  For one thing, every time I've gone to the Philippines I lost about 5% of my body weight (that fish and rice thing really does it).  If that happens I won't miss it much, but the real prize will be the school year.  At the current rate of weight loss, I will reach my current [realistic] goal by the end of the school year, which is convenient for May Day.  That would be the best graduation present ever.
 

Now playing:
Jay-Z, 99 Problems

Yet another song that I should listen to more often.

I wanted to say something but I can't word it very well, and I'm actually somewhat worried about seeming offensive to some people so I'll hold off until I can figure out how I want to say it, if I still do.  The more personal part (which I also still can't say right) is that I've started doubting the validity of the concept of "the right one."  It sounds like a nice thing to hope for, and there are certainly women I know that I could be happy enough with, but I still don't think I've found a "right one."  Perhaps the concept in my mind is intrinsically flawed by unrealistic expectations.  Regardless of whether that is to blame, I have still managed to find enough potential points of conflict in any girl I've been attracted to for a long time to convince myself that a relationship wouldn't work out.  And that is why I am single.

I am out of time, so I'll figure out more later.

 

NOoooooooooooo...

Serves me right for not writing the damn thing in Word.  Damn the backspace key.  Anyway, here's most of it.  Except now I'm pissed so this is going to come out short and mad.  Like a rabid badger or something.

***

Now playing:
I Stand Alone, by Godsmack

I should listen to this more often.

It seemed like longer since I updated but the last few updates were crap anyway.

We went to UDel today and talked endlessly about various crap and bitched about poor organization and general confusion in Puerto Rico.  Everything was pretty cool, except for the usual small bitchy things, which are pretty endemic to visiting UDel anyway.  I wish they'd visit us for a change, and we WILL have them visit after the new building is done.  Kidnapping possible.

...I don't remember what came next but it was probably some bitching about something.  I do that.  There were some Noted Quotes or whatever I call them, so here they are.  In convenient countdown form because people love that shit.

4.  "Punta Gorda, Fla" - Bumper Sticker

The best the translator will give me is "Fat End," but if memory serves me correctly the name of that town means "Fat Bitch" or the like.  The other Florida hotspot.

 
3.  "Fuckcock!" - A certain research partner, either while working yesterday or in traffic today. 

He has the best expletives.

 
2.  In Wal-Mart:
Mexican:  "Donde estan los banos?"
Mom:  "Oh, you're from Los Banos?"

Mom... worries me sometimes.


1.  "Blog - A public internet journal kept by individuals who obviously have no shame." - VH1

Damn straight.  And why I use this instead of LJ.

 

I was gonna have five but then I didn't feel like coming up with a fifth.  So to all you multiples-of-five people out there... this blog isn't FOR you.  Ham!

I really hate it when I have something important and, moreso, interesting to say and it vaporizes by the time I get to writing it down. I think the world would be significantly more advanced if it wasn't for bad memory.

I still don't understand women. I should probably not hold my breath waiting.

Maybe I'll get in trouble for this, since so far all of my three readers are female, but...

I fear I will never understand women. They are completely beyond comprehension, occasionally even to members of their own sex.

That's really all, I won't go into details but they are certainly gory. God save us all.

So according to AOL Presidential Match Guide, I match 72% with Kerry and 19% with Bush. Not that I particularly intended to vote Bush anyway, but Kerry seems to have the right idea on more of the issues than I expected. That and, after seeing Fahrenheit 9/11, I don't think I can support someone who intends to keep troops in Iraq unnecessarily. They may be needed there, but they don't need to be there as long as they are, or under the current circumstances. Get done what needs to be done and get them out of situations where they get blown up. This isn't a Bush thing necessarily, but so far he's the one who's sending troops over, not Kerry.

And if Bush sends my best friend AJ, who is in the marines, to Iraq to get shot at, you can damn well bet I'm not voting for him.

There was something else but now I'm all "war bad! grrr!" so I can't really remember. That happens often, and usually when I can't blame it on the war in Iraq...


This week's noted quote:

"Do not drive with sunshade open. Remove sunshade from windshield before operating vehicle." - Warning on folding cardboard shade that goes in a car windshield.

This means someone, somewhere at one point thought, it doesn't say to take it down so I'll drive with this piece of cardboard completely blocking my windshield! Probably right before they hit the tree.

Now Playing:
Bobby Darin, Mack the Knife


I was going to submit a list of particularly dorky things I did today, but anyone who knows me already knows I'm a gigantic dork and anyone else doesn't need proof of this. To summarize, I made a calculator program and thought about video games a lot. Didn't play them, but it's the thought that counts anyway.

And now, a new feature, noted quotes:

"Erections lasting four hours or more, though rare, require immediate medical attention." - commercial for 36-hour Cialis

Seriously though, wouldn't it be the woman needing the medical attention?

Now Playing:
Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell, Beautiful
The Soggy Bottom Boys, The Man of Constant Sorrow

The results of a playlist alphabetized by author.


Recently I came to the conclusion that I kind of suck at everything. That is, I have not put significant effort into anything that I've done to date. While that unfairly discounts the numerous long hours I've put into many of my classes, particularly recently, it seems in retrospect that I could concentrate much more on school and perhaps do a bit better. In comparison to people who do as well as I do but know what they are trying to accomplish and work to achieve it, I think I am still doing little more than is required, and it disappoints me. It continues to disappoint me, as I am sure this won't change overnight. I have met great challenges and made great sacrifices for my school, but somehow it doesn't seem nearly enough now. Perhaps I'll change that while I still can...

Oh yeah, and the whole point behind posting tonight was this thing about realizing that I have been trying to fill the hole of emotional affection left by not having a relationship by surrounding myself with physically attractive women. Thus, having been without a supportive emotional relationship since Erin before she dumped me (unless you count Beth on her good days, which were good but unfortunately outnumbered by the bad ones), I have been trying to engage myself in the enjoyment of physically attractive scenery. This has been tempered by attempts to enjoy good female company as well, but the fact remains that I am trying to replace a missing ceiling support with carpet or something. Physical attraction and pleasant company are very important parts of a relationship, and perhaps even important parts of a healthy personality, but they must exist in cooperation with emotional attachment, rather than replacing it. This is why people attempt to have purely physical relationships but fail in them miserably, and keep having them because they remain as unfulfilled aferward as they were before. I have, in a sense, had purely physical relationships (though they weren't actual relationships, simply looking) as long as I can remember being attracted to anyone - even before Erin, before I was dating. I wasn't always so interested in such superficial attachments to women around me, but that was before I realized how crazy the emotional trip from crushes can be and before I felt the sting of being turned down. Since then I have always tried to replace emotional relationships by simply immersing myself in the attractive and amiable around me. Sometimes this was because emotional relationship were not available to me, and sometimes it has just been more convenient because hot girls don't stop being hot or going out in public just to spite guys like me who look at them, or because it "doesn't work" for them anymore. There's no guilt, there's no misleading, and it's easy. But I've realized (not now, I'm almost too tired to type right now) that it isn't a replacement for emotional attachment, and that's why I feel lonely. It isn't that my friends aren't there for me - I have wonderful, supportive friends that keep me sane no matter what. However, there's just something missing that all the friends, fun dates, and pretty girls in the world couldn't replace.


And I just read over this and confirmed it's a rambling mess, but maybe I can clear it up tomorrow. The end result is that this superficial attachment to good looks and women in general cannot sustain me, and will probably lead to my emotional demise if I don't get over it. I need to get back to the emotion of relationships, how great it can be to see someone even if the last time was just yesterday, how someone's smile can feel warm inside (not counting shots), how nice it can be to just spend time around someone, doing anything or nothing at all. I need to fall for someone. Again.


I'm ready for a relationship.

Now playing:
Chariots of Fire, from Old School

Previously playing:
my depressive playlist including Coldplay, Dave Matthews, Eamon, and Mario Winans


So I was going to say a few things about our collaboration meetings yesterday and today, but given that we finished initial processing of Sample 6 at 7:30 tonight, and it's now several hours and a few fuzzy fucks later, I am dead tired. (if you don't know what I'm talking about, visit the suite next year and I'll mix one up.) In short: Puerto Rico people were cool, their students were hot, UDel students were still hot, and Andrew and I were critically lauded by all present for knowing our bacteria shizzle. All except Dr. Baker, who didn't critically laud anyone, but did bring my Helicobacter beads. Yay for hot interns and knowing our stuff cold, yay for being able to start Helico work, and yay for fuzzy fucks after a long day. As it's also a special occasion, I'll have one more for the road, so Happy Anniversary to me *clink* and good night.

Now playing:
System of a Down, F the System

I'm in super hyper crazy mode right now for no apparent reason. Anyway, I forgot to mention that I hit 6 sets of 5 reps of 250 pounds on the seated chest press. Not that anyone cares - but I do! Wahoo for mad muscle power!

A few of you will know why this is beyond frickin' hilarious, in a half-sarcastic sort of sense. The rest of you don't need to know. :p

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Now playing: nothing yet, I just got out of the shower

So last night's was a bust, thanks to the good ol' hunk-o-junk that my computer still is, but c'est la vie. Tonight I set out for the sunset (ie the river) but laziness compelled me to the Western Shore instead. There was a beautiful view from Harford, a red crescent slowly disappearing into a fading pink sky. The moon was mysteriously hazy behind a thin veil of clouds, and the fireflies flashed their neon love as always. I couldn't help being surprised, both at the enduring quality of the firefly population and at my own pessimism for their duration. It always becomes more apparent how plentiful they were after they are gone, as it is with most things.

I've had several conversations now with a rather large spider in my shower; he was there this morning, apparently just out to bed because after I finally left him in rather humid peace, he didn't move until I went back for another shower tonight. I could almost hear him grumbling about being awoken so rudely and so early in the evening as he nimbly hoisted himself to higher ground. Considering his chosen spot of exile from the peril of my indoor rainstorm - inside the track of the sliding door - I could have easily squashed him (or her, I suppose) with hardly a second thought. However, the spider did have the good sense to hide away from the spray, rather than be washed down the drain with assorted bodily detritus, and didn't seem any more intent on bothering me than I was on bothering it. I kept a watchful eye on it when not sputtering through shampoo, yet didn't feel particularly threatened - despite the impressive size of his fangs, which must have been the envy of the spider community. Instead, I felt an odd sense of karma: though it would probably just die unmolested by human intervention, I couldn't help but entertain the slim possibility that, after surviving its watery encounters today, it might trap a mosquito carrying West Nile bound for my arteries. On the other hand, I might have failed to see its mean streak, and may wake up tomorrow with a massive welt on my arm, or with a mere stump or something. In any case, I'm sure it feels some sense of gratitude for mercy rather than malice on my part, or whatever passes for gratitude in spiders.

The other day, I was on my way through Smith when the open door to Norman James theater caught my attention. I had recalled a sign listing the afternoon's activities for registering freshmen and parents of said future revenue, and one item on the list was "Student Movies." Having forgotten the video Rebekah had made for one of her Anthro classes (apologies if I got that wrong), I was thoroughly surprised to see a thirty-foot Andrew going through our massive refrigerator. The surprise was not so much at his increase in stature, but at the coincidence of seeing him there... Unfortunately the film was already to the credits, but it was still amusing to see him poke around the fridge, identifying various drinks, cheeses, leftovers, and other random denizens of our food supply.

Now playing:
Beach Boys, Wouldn't It Be Nice
(which reminds me, 50 First Dates was so damn cute...)

Playing:
Swing Kids, Sing Sing Sing

Dancing:
As I type, badly


I hadn't realized how long it had been since I posted. Work has been more busy than usual, such that, if there's a free moment, I've probably forgotten something. That said, Andrew never seems to forget anything. The man is a laboratory maven...

[unfinished due to technical difficulties]

A beautiful Midsummer's night.

I had intended to take a walk down to the river to see the sunset, but this failed due to the fact that I was too slow about it (despite taking my bike) and that the sun didn't set anywhere near the river.

Despite these shortcomings in my plan, tonight was one of the best evenings I've spent here. The temperature and breeze were a delight, and even without a spectacular sunset, it was beautiful by the water. I watched a small flotilla of ducks make their way down the river, occasionally harassed by the crazy goose that inhabits the Old Wharf's parking lot. A Blue Heron was perched on the floating dock, and the way it kept an eye on me suggested that I worried it more than the avian commotion. Some Canada Geese, either resident or thoroughly lost, stretched their wings and preened on the dock in complete disregard for the whole bunch.

I didn't want to leave, but the wind was picking up and with it, some clouds were systematically invading the sky, hiding a waxing crescent moon. As I turned to leave, I saw the lights of the pavillion all ablaze, presumably for some later occasion, and it made me consider how nice it would be to live by the water. The fireflies dancing in the park and over every lawn on the way home were a constant reminder of how much I love this time of year. I wanted to stay out forever tonight... but I guess I'll have to settle for the memory.

Ah, Midsummer.

Despite being ensnared by a fog of laziness sometime before I woke up this morning, I feel compelled to write something. However, given the fact that the computer hasn't been terribly good to-nite and I am tired and lazy, etc, I will keep it short. Work continues as usual, plenty of Salmonella flying all over the place, and more to come as well. However, call it further effects of the laziness, but I'm starting to doubt whether I really want to do this. I mean, I like thinking up things to solve and solving problems... but things never go right, there are always unforseen complications, there is always an associated level of drudgery... and I Have this horrible sneaking suspicion that I will never contribute majorly to the world of science. This corner of my brain says, just be content doing major surgeries somewhere, everyone likes surgeons. They save people on the front lines, sewing up hearts and arteries and such. Don't try to save the world, because if you fail then you won't have saved anything. Am I getting at anything here, or is it the lonely, depressive laziness talking?

On the upswing, I would like to note, for permanent record, that I now consider my arms to be at least as cool as my legs. No longer do I lack upper body strength! (I just want more, that's all.) And I got my pull-up to the nose level. Just a couple more inches to a real one! Bwahaha! Let the gym purge all intellectual concerns and worries! Reverting to caveman status! (cue the music from 2001, aka Thus Spoke Zarathustra, don't ask me how I know)

Ok, I've gotten silly. Good night, dream of happy things!

Too cute. Ok, now I'm going to bed. Peace all!

I feel there's been a lack of intelligent content recently, and there's this story about a couple of guys and a Washington College Dodge Intrepid that hasn't quite gotten old yet.

So last Wednesday was the first collaboration meeting with our wonderful extended research family at the University of Delaware. All things aside, the meeting went exceedingly well: we discussed everything from the basic procedure to... well, the procedure in depth. Dr. Herson is always a great person to work with and very on top of things, though at least as busy as Dr. Verville (which I didn't think was possible for some time). Her student researchers are also very nice, though very different from past ones. One seemed very knowledgeable and was very open with her thougths and opinions in discussing adjustments to the procedure, which I hadn't really seen even in Dr. Herson's graduate students before. The other was nice as well but less experienced than Andrew and I, which is really unusual for the UDel lab. I think she will be a big help, but she needs to get some proverbial Salmonella under her belt so she can discuss the topic intelligently.

In any case, the research meeting was a wonderful and productive little tea party, and it would have made the trip a very nice one. However, I've gotten ahead of myself. That morning, when I went to pick up the car from the WC car pool, I had visions of the new Accord or whatever it was sitting in the lot. While the ancient purple Intrepid should have been a disappointment, I was more impressed by the fact that it ran after 189000 miles. So we got going, and everything seemed well; the air conditioner ran sufficiently, which is better than some WC vehicles, and significantly better than the truck Dr. C took out last year whose headlights died about an hour from the college.

We arrived at Newark and met Dr. V, at which time Andrew and I noticed a hissing coming from the front of the car. Imagining tires studded with broken glass and nails, I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were fine. It took a while before we noticed the growing pool of antifreeze under the car. Dr. V called her husband, who said it was probably just overflow of the coolant reservoir, and not to worry. So we had coffee and lunch (and I missed a chance to play pool - damn!) and on the way to the science building for our meeting, checked on the car. The pool of antifreeze was large enough that it had run out from under the car, but we decided it could wait until after the meeting, and the engine was still too hot to do anything anyway.

We met, etc, and when we went back out I popped the hood and Andrew checked the antifreeze reservoir. He says the only thing in it was steam; I didn't even see that. So Dr. V had us follow her to a nearby Pep Boys. In the four blocks or so, the heat meter rose from the bottom to the middle - I don't know what translates to "your engine is melting," but I wasn't interested in moving the car any more. So we go in, and the Pep Boys desk jockey tells us their garage is closed for the night. At this point, I was the only one not particularly annoyed, so the cell phones came out and calls were made. After about ten minutes of deliberation with various people, Dr. V just decided to take us home (two hours out of her way). I'm told someone from Buildings and Grounds had the car fixed and went to get it, but I haven't seen it in the motor pool. That's probably a good thing, but regardless, when we have our next research meeting we are taking the newest vehicle they have. Unfortunately, there isn't such a thing as "too new to break"...


So now that I've put the story down in its entirety, I can stop worrying about telling it and forget it ever happened. If anyone asks, or if I find a need to reference the story, I'll simply give out this url. Ah, the conveniences of the Information Age. I guess I'm just too long-winded to write stories like that on a regular basis, so I'll have to go back to recording random thoughts. Which, since I haven't played computer games to-night, I have been unable to avoid. However, in the interest of functioning sufficiently tomorrow...

Let's go back
back to the beginning
back to when the Earth, the Sun, the stars
all aligned

* * *

I'll let it pass
and hold my tongue
and you will think
that I've moved on


So the happy pop ish isn't that much lighter... Arg. Where's Fatboy Slim when I need him?