Now playing:
Outkast, various songs (currently The Whole World)

(and yes, I do tend to listen to the same music over and over, but it works for me =P)


Maybe it's just the current Ghetto Pimpin' music playing, but I'm feeling much better in general. I went back and read the rest; it wasn't as much as I thought, and I laughed a bit, kind of like the first part. I will grant that I feel (once again) that I am definitely missing something, but I still think talking vis-a-vis (like the marker!) would be the best course of action. All selfish intentions and ulterior motives aside, there is just something lacking from every form of communication that is not in person. I suppose videophones would be the closest, but the fact that they are rather unpopular either suggests that we are not that interested in the honesty that body language forces, or that we simply want to be able to talk to people without getting dressed, or while cooking dinner or something. But, as usual, I digress. There are few things that I can say "as usual" about my life that I don't wish I could change, but my digressions are just part of who I am. (there, I did it again...)

So I finished reading. Hope is revived, at least to the point of seeking a direct audience for my queries. And all that aside, it may take a few days back to sink in completely, but the temporary amnesia that gripped me last night, erasing my recollection of the WAC factor (2:1), has all but worn off. That is definitely not to say that I'm going looking if this doesn't work out, or that I need a relationship. however, I have noted many times before how different it is to be single by choice or by helplessness, and anything that makes the situation feel more like the former is welcome. The actual situation is always a combination of the two, as long as the individual in question falls anywhere in a very wide middle of the bell curve; it takes a particularly attractive or unattractive person to be single completely by choice (i.e. single in the face of numerous satisfactory opportunities) or completely by helplessness (i.e. completely unable to find anyone - anyone - to date).

Since I have sincere doubts that I am thusly either gifted or cursed, the actual balance of the two is up for debate, but the perception of this balance is all that is actually important to self-esteem. Were a person to have many opportunities but still feel like there were no good options and therefore feel trapped in singledom, they would be particularly unhappy, whereas a person pleasantly deluded into thinking they have more options than are actually available is likely to be far happier than they would be if the truth were presented. Consequently, presentations of this truth are received particularly poorly... as previously evidenced many many times. In conclusion, I'd rather delude myself and be happy than wallow in (and, historically, overdramatize) reality.

I'm done philosophizing for the time being, and I don't feel like either playing games (gasp!) or hitting the sack yet. Hence, I put forth a query to my audience (all two of you) regarding today's events. While in Dover, Mom made her usual offer to buy me a leather jacket (she really seems to dislike my trenchcoat... blasphemy!), but this time the offer was made additionally compelling by the fact that Wilson's Leather was having a 50%-off sale. Even with half off, most of the coats in that store would keep me in Chinese food for at least a month if not purchased. However. There was an indecently nice leather trenchcoat that, instead of making me look like a well-known leather-trenchcoat-and-leather-gloves-wearing student at WC, made me look rather mafia-esque. Ok, maybe that's a stretch, but it was very very nice. Not $200 nice, but very very nice. Maybe even someone-else's-$200 nice... In The real question is, should I or should I not? I'm not going for moral considerations, those are all lost upon me at this point; I'm simply interested in fashion sense from those those who have more of one than I do. This will be further addressed once I return.

Last weekend at home! I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or just pack. Looking forward to seeing everyone again, sleeping in my nice, non-squeaky, non-falling-apart bed at college, and probably bitching out IT for taking my computer for an entire month without even looking at it. Definitely wanting to take the new grilling cookbook for a spin, finally rearrange my room the way I want it, and pick up the new TV I have on layaway (shh!). Even looking forward to the old DH - mostly the company, but it will be very nice to have choices other than "eat or go hungry." But most of all... the good ol' WAC factor. It's good to be in college...