So now I'm halfway through my closing shift at the booth. Having played pool for a good hour total and having had (before coming to work) a couple fuzzy navels and a chicken ceasar salad while watching Underworld on our new TV and entertainment center... (pauses for effect) ...I'm in a decent mood altogether, just a little morose or melancholy or some other angsty m-word. I would really rather not be here, which doesn't have entirely to do with my particularly rusty pool skills and lack of something better to do on shift. It isn't really even because I could be at home instead hanging out with my roommates (the reason why I live with them in the first place, other than their electronics and alcohol-legal girlfriends =P). I mean hell, even with my limited connections I could probably even be at Talbot chilling with the KA's, which means dancing with hot girls in the middle of a room so packed that crossing the 20 feet from the front to the back is a challenge.

Honestly, all of these places are cooler than where I am now and what I'm doing now, even though this is not a bad place and activity by far; however, I simply don't really want to be doing any of these things or hanging around any of these places. I don't know where I want to be or what I want to be doing - and especially not who I want to be doing it with - but I just don't want to be stuck in the setting of my life with the characters of my life, living the activities of my life. This isn't a matter of wanting to be someone else, because I am just as happy with being who I am right now as I usually am, though my pool skill could use some work. I just want to get away from everything - from life - for a little bit. One might say that was winter break, but it was not a break from life, just a postponement of college life by (generally inferior) home life. Still life, still everything I am used to and everything I usually love being around. But right now, I feel like I've been stuck here for 19 years, like some sort of purgatory, and I've been wondering what this interlude precedes. Not to get into religion and everything - I just feel like I'm waiting for something, preparing for something, killing time until something happens that my life is for. Maybe it's someone my life is for; I've postulated that before, and I wouldn't be surprised if that completely changed my life. I really don't know. If I did, that would ruin the surprise.

I really don't know what this is. I'm a little tired, not really from the fuzzy navels but just from lack of sleep this week. I'll get over all that, but I don't intend to let myself slip into a funk again - Katie would kill me, among other reasons. However, I can't fix something that I didn't know was wrong and don't know how to fix. The best course of action, then, would be to figure out what's wrong and what I can do about it, and get started on that as soon as I am able. In any case, I've resorted to spouting incoherent babble, so I'm going to go clean off the tables and get myself together for departure... the cafe has had one customer in two hours. So until I'm bored and melancholy-ish again...