Now playing:
Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli, Con Te Partiro (Time To Say Goodbye)

I've had other things enter my mind since I was thinking about this, but when I got up this morning, I feel as if I'm letting things go. I still want to talk, but I can feel everything slipping away... as if my mind, or heart, or whatever it is has decided that the time was past and there is no point hanging on to old feelings. While it is always nice to feel pleasant emotions, deep down I doubt that right now they could exist without being colored by recent revelations; instead, like a cut flower, they slowly wither. If I were to talk about this and find reason to feel the same again, I'm sure I could, but even with the most positive outcome possible, I find it unlikely that I could drive away completely the way I am beginning to feel. If this is the case, any heavy dose of the emotion currently slipping away would be just a little too saccharine for me to want to prolong the sensation.

This is no calamity, of course; it just changes the dynamics of the situation again. Being single again, however reluctantly, will be no big change from the recent norm. In all honesty, I wasn't looking for a girlfriend when I met her, and I'm still not looking for any girlfriend. I'm going back to my previous premise: I'll be single until again I find someone who convinces me that I would rather be otherwise. Someone else... Beyond this, hopefully I am 1) well enough to put time into exercise, and 2) focused enough that social and electronic distractions don't interfere too greatly with my general plan. (Not the plan of which I spoke previously - that is both more short-term and far more trivial.)

In any case, having woken up with this feeling means that, just as it has already simmered down into the numbness I am accustomed to while staying at home, I may feel completely different about this tomorrow, or even more thoroughly indifferent. I still want to spend time with her, as I have always enjoyed her company, but consistency in dealing with romantically-awkward friendships is not something I have mastered. For this reason, the whole thing might turn into an emotional dinghy ride on heavy seas, and I can't see where I'll be in a few weeks or months. It is hard to say these days.

Right now I am a little sad to be leaving home; this has probably been the most pleasant extended stint so far, and while that doesn't say anything good about my usual time at home, I can't deny that it was kind of nice. This is not to say that I don't miss college and love being there (as I will probably be later tonight) but I will, for once, miss being at home... for at least five minutes. I'm going to go pack, or play computer games while I still have access to one that works, or both. And maybe listen to my dance playlist, it cheers me up. Right about now, the Funk Soul Brother, check it out now, the Funk Soul Brother...

RebRebRebRebRebRebRebReb... =P