um... arial? ...the hell?

"... and Australia is still like, WTF mate?"

Playing temporarily: Papa Roach, Between Angels and Insects
Playing currently: Seether, Gasoline

If you could see me, you would behold the face of boredom. Sure, I could go finish up my paper journal, start one of the multiple books I have waiting, even play some wonderful computer game... but I don't want to do all that, and what I want to do is not not a possibility for about two more weeks. Damn the dilation of unoccupied time. Damn it to hell.

Post-format, at least this computer only sucks, instead of sucking hardcore like it did a few hours ago. Dell techs are very nice, so long as you have twenty minutes to wait on hold every time they transfer you to another department. Now all Mom needs is a burner for backing up crap and some RAM so the computer is worth fixing, and I'll format it every week if she wants.

Going to make some calls regarding the plans for tomorrow... =D

"...when I was 18... it was a very good year..."

Recently playing:
Usher, You Don't Have To Call
Snoop Dogg feat. Pharell, Beautiful
P. Diddy, I Need a Girl Part 2
Jay-Z and Beyonce, '03 Bonnie and Clyde

Feeling a little down, being alone and planless for my birthday. Not that that's particularly new to me, but this is a special case. I was between getting Bend It Like Beckham and Terminator 3 tonight, and I figured I was ok for a chick-flick-ish movie (and have you seen Kiera Knightley in Pirates of the Caribbean?).

However, I forgot which one I got, so I was all set for some Ah-nold kicking ass and causing large explosions, but instead got teenage female angst over family, friends, and relationships. Needless to say, macho dude Tom is still somewhere in hiding, and vulnerable sensitive Tom is depressed over the lack of company. Being as how this is Centreville, agricultural center and sleepy small town extraordinaire, it doesn't look as if I'll find respite either. Sigh.

If I think any more about this, the risk of slipping into a blue funk becomes considerable. I'd better go blow stuff up and pump iron or something.

Now playing: Good Charlotte, Girls and Boys

Aha, updated on Penny Arcade!

Girls don't like boys
Girls like cars and money...

=P

You know it's bad when I'm getting tired of video games. My music collection is reasonably organized, and there isn't much more I can do with it on the POS computer I have to work with until mine gets fixed. This means that all the computer games I was going to try during break are out as well. Game development on the 89 isn't getting anywhere fast, mainly because I have hit a thorough lack of inspiration - call it programmer's block - that is probably related to the video game overuse. I've ripped through at least five books since I hit the library last week, and the remaining few are most certainly quaking in fear. I've even restarted that written journal, and I still find myself with a ridiculous abundance of time. It's getting to the point that, despite the sad download times this computer suffers from, I'm tempted to get caught up on all the old webcomics...

Incidentally, all I really want to do is go hang out with friends, and that seems to be the hardest thing to do so far. Damn being in the middle of nowhere!

And finally...

*** Seeking New Year's Plans! ***

I have some ideas in mind, but am currently accepting offers... =D

Oh, and since I'm decidedly not a nihilist, or at least not anymore...

Now playing: Linkin Park, Numb

So I've decided once again that uncertainty and confusion are the inevitable results of being around women. I have to say, I've had more clear thoughts on that subject lately than is usual for me, but I have yet to find a definite course of action that appeals to me, and until then I will likely continue to weigh all the different possibilities against each other... and get nowhere. More on this subject if I figure anything out, which - given all the time I spend thinking about it - had better be soon.

Vacation has been more relaxing than I give it credit for; I've had a good time seeing friends I haven't seen enough during the semester, gotten more sleep than one would think possible (thanks to lovely drugs which aren't making me better, either), and spent plenty of quality time with the good ol' video games. It still isn't the same, being alone or just with parents most of the time, but not having to conform to any sort of schedule is positively glorious. I only hope I can spend as much time hanging out with friends during the rest of my time off as I have so far, if not more... damn this living in the middle of nowhereish.

That said, I'm seriously considering a major cutback in gaming this coming semester, no matter what fourth class I get into. I got into the gym this year, but it wasn't good enough, particularly since I've been sick. My current attitude says damn the sickness, a little coughing won't stop me from hitting some weights... the aerobics will come in time. I've already proven that I can, so it's time for a little change and commitment. The only obstacle is this damn lung thing, which is far too well entrenched for my liking; I grant that my next doctor's visit is still a few days away, but the doctor suggested I would feel "like a million bucks," and so far I'm feeling about $22.50.

Anyway, those are the random thoughts of the day. I think I'm starting a paper journal again - i.e. somewhere I don't have to worry about everyone reading my deepest darkest secrets ;) In that case, I may come up with something intelligent to say, rather than this themeless collection of scraps floating about my consciousness. As always, life continues...

Happy Hanuramakwanzmas to all, and to all a good night.

Being single starts to suck when you find yourself regretting missing your chance with a girl.

Best new instrumental: Clubbed to Death, by I have no idea who. It alternates between a very nice piano piece, reminiscent of the piano in that hidden track on Mad Season, and ultra-cool piano and strings to an awesome beat with wierd electronic musical noises. The ultimate I'm-supercool-get-in-my-way-and-I'll-kick-your-ass-but-I'm-still-sensitive-on-the-inside piece. Anyone have any idea who did this, please clue me in.

In nonmusical life, well... it goes on. Things aren't perfect; still some drama here and there, but nothing is ever perfect. Going home in a few days is both a relief and somewhat frightening, as this means I will sleep more than I ever wanted to but I have to both clean my room and move most of my stuff. Again. And I have gotten tired of moving. I think I've been tired of moving since I was 8. Now I move at least 8 times a year. Meh.

Anyway, lab reports don't do themselves, or they would have been turned in long ago. In raw terms, I give myself something like 9 hours to do this. Which means if I had gotten on it ASAP, even just today, I'd have them done already. Comforting. Thusly, I go to do my final labors of the semester, and garner whatever remains of the sleeping hours. Finals, pah - it's the damn projects.

I have a recent infatuation with rap. It all started with the latest Outkast CD I bought, which has Hey Ya and The Way You Move (our current suite theme song). Further, a friend has blubster, which apparently isn't blocked on campus, so he has appropriated for general enjoyment a couple of songs which I have subsequently become thoroughly attached to. Among them: Sean Paul, 50 Cent, Jay-Z, Snoop Dogg... and a lot of Beyonce. Maybe she isn't exactly what one would call hardcore rap, but she has a nice voice that goes well with Jay-Z (hence why I have '03 Bonnie and Clyde stuck in my head) and, to be honest - have you SEEN her? [ogles]

Anyway, I have always liked rap and/or party music, but the recent rash of songs have had particularly high play on my mp3 player. Not that I'm going to start wearing my hat sideways and get me some Tims, but I enjoy at least wishing I had a party at which to play the songs. Ah well, there's always next semester...

All I need in this life of sin...

There, that should keep all you baying content-hounds at... bay... for the time being.

Some people wonder if Chaucer�s Canterbury Tales are an accurate representation of medieval England. No one really wonders if Monty Python and the Holy Grail is an accurate representation of medieval England because it is widely accepted as a mere comedic farce of Arthur�s Knights of the Round Table and their quest for the Holy Grail. In fact, were one to suggest that there might actually be any hint of historical fact in the movie beyond the suits of armor and such, it would be generally considered to be rubbish. To this end, I intend to compare and contrast several important points in each of these works to ascertain which is the more accurate of the two.

Foremost, the Knight in Chaucer�s prologue is represented as a man of valor, though somewhat rough around the edges, and yet capable of telling a long and eloquent tale which was omitted from our textbook. In contrast, the knights of Monty Python can be found singing, invading nunneries, fighting mythical beasts, and engaging in general tomfoolery. There are knights who say �nee!�, knights with three heads, and French knights with outrrrrageous accents and unusual skill at taunting and catapulting animals. It should be obvious that any good knight most likely achieved his station by long and hard battle training, and as such, is a rather grizzled and war-hardened fellow; this is not often synonymous with long and eloquent stories, and typically results in far poorer manners and disposition than displayed by the Chaucer�s Knight. We further distribute points to the knights of Monty Python for their fighting prowess in the absence of limbs, their ingenious assaults upon French strongholds, and their creative use of coconuts.

Second, we consider the figure of the nun. In the Canterbury Tales, Chaucer�s Lady Eglatine is a very attractive and very refined woman, yet remains (or seems to remain) chaste and pure in spite of all the corruption of the church. However, how accurate can this be? It is painfully obvious that any woman as beautiful as he describes would have been married off in an instant, leaving no chance whatsoever for nun-hood. Thus, Chaucer must have either been drunk when he came up with the character, or simply had a crush on the character, either of them causing him to see her in a much more attractive light than she truly deserved. The nuns of Holy Grail were far more realistic in this manner; as beautiful maidens between the ages of 17 and 19 (or something like that), they were rightly cloistered in a castle with such an ominous name as Anthrax to keep away people like that grabby Friar of Chaucer�s, as opposed to Eglatine who traveled along with the company of this common rabble out in the open. The nuns of Castle Anthrax were definitely more lovely and devoted than the nun presented by Chaucer, and therefore far more realistic.

The presentation of the commoners is the most damning evidence of all. Chaucer presents all of his characters with great personality traits and very different costumes, yet the cloths available were almost all gray or brown, and generally very similar, as portrayed in Monty Python. Further, all of the commoners in the Canterbury Tales were undertaking this pilgrimage to Canterbury, but they would have mostly starved in the meantime, as they were not working during this trip. Since there was no such thing as paid vacation in those days, this idea of being able to just up and make pilgrimages is absurd. Further, as plainly stated in the Holy Grail, Arthur is king because �he hasn�t got sh� all over him.� Since Chaucer fails to mention his commoners covered in excrement, he ends up painting an entirely unreasonable picture of them.

However, this can all be summed up simply in the presentation. Whereas Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a highly interesting and informative look into the past that approaches topics like medieval combat and witch-trials in a well-thought and insightful manner, Chaucer�s Canterbury Tales are an inaccurate and ill-conceived set of descriptions of an unlikely lot of people written in an entirely illegible form of English. However, the final point must go to the Tales, for Monty Python makes an irreparable error in breaking the fourth wall at the end, showing Arthur escorted away by the police. Now, if only we could get the gents of Monty Python to bring the characters of the Canterbury Tales to life, then we might have something; I see John Cleese as the Wife of Bath. (Note: this entire journal is written along the vane of Monty Python, having just seen it for the fiftieth time, with the main intent being comedy, rather than thorough slander and misinterpretation of Chaucer. Though that occurred as well.)

This summer was a very interesting one by many standards. I was again at Washington College for an internship studying the persistence of Helicobacter pylori in drinking water. At the beginning of the summer I spent a lot of time at my old high school (QACHS) for Driver�s Ed, which put me in close contact with some of my old teachers and a good friend and mentor. She was able to give me a lot of good perspective on my life at the time, and the experience as a whole gave me a removed look at high school life and what people my actual age or a little younger are doing. Quite frankly, I was a little frightened by that, but that is another story. For the internship I was at WC for ten weeks right in the middle of the summer, and I stayed at one of the cottages on campus mainly to get away from home as much as possible. There were some people on campus that I knew, but fewer than last summer, and therefore far fewer than I am used to having on campus. I still had some contact with my parents and occasionally visits from friends in the area, but the majority of my time was spent alone. Both my second Freshman semester and the following summer were the most alone I had ever been at that point, both times with a single, but still with friends around. However, this summer gave a new meaning to the word alone. Not only was I here with fewer people than ever before, but I didn�t know them as well and I didn�t have time to get to know them better. This is fortunate in the sense that it gave me a lot of time to think about things and get parts of my life in order that were somewhat disorganized at the time � which is something that I not only miss, but could seriously use right now � but I was still lonely for much of the time.

I managed to fill this vacuum with a variety of distractions. I have always been particularly attached to video games, and this summer was a prime time for game time. However, there is only so much time one can devote slaving away to an electronic taskmaster without honestly rotting one�s brain (your parents weren�t kidding!). Further, after long enough hours spent playing alone in a dark room, it just loses its charm. Chestertown is a very nice place to walk around in the evenings when there is enough breeze to keep of the swarms of bloodthirsty West Nile-carrying mosquitoes, and eventually I started to do just that. It was in this calming method of taking up my time that I eventually found solitude, for my travels led me eventually to the Lelia Hynson Pavilion near the boathouse. In the nice evening sea breeze or in the more rambunctious winds before a storm, the pavilion is an incredibly nice place to sit and enjoy the evening while contemplating one�s life, situation, and surroundings. I even managed to compose a haiku once while biding my time there, and it rather embodies the gist of my discourse:

sunset, reeds whisper
soothing phrases; loneliness
becomes solitude

In these daily pilgrimages to the waterfront, often all alone, I felt less lonely than I did at almost any other time this summer. I don�t know if it was the beauty of the view I was treated to when I timed my walks properly with the sunset or if it was just the action of getting out of my room and outdoors, but it seemed to work wonders on any loneliness I felt. I can�t say that I found nirvana or felt at one with the world, but I did feel much happier about being left mostly to myself, and it became much easier to think about some of the problems and issues I contemplated by day. I have never felt quite as strongly the difference between loneliness and solitude as I did sitting on that deck, and I am sorry that I will rarely be able to do the same again, first because of the weather during most of the year, and then because I doubt I will spend next summer here. However, when I occasionally feel lonely at the dorm, or when I wish I had someone to just be around, I can think back to that time and place and feel better.

I feel obligated to, despite having not nearly the amount of time as I did when last I attempted this, put something of even mild intelligence on this thing. Thus, one of my journals follows.

holy shiznit, does this mean Blogger works again?

does it work yet?? does it work yet???

as the page continues to fail to post my entries.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken: The crownless again shall be king.

As blogger refuses to post n' publish anything I currently write... apologies to anyone who reads it, if anyone reads it, if and when this post makes it onto the blog.

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I've travelled the world
And the seven seas

Everybody's looking for something

(The Marylin Manson version, of course)

it's figurative, see... =p

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down to clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell I wait and bleed

-Slipknot, "Wait and Bleed"

On the upside, the world has not imploded... yet. Assuming that's a good thing.

It's official, the world's a f***ed-up place.

As I have less than an hour to say it, Happy Birthday Albert Einstein!

And now, interesting quotes:

"Silence is speech as well." -some proverb somewhere

For the sake of small IM profiles... the link to my soon-to-be-offline quiz is as follows:

Return of the Nihilist

Who would have thought that spring break was so exciting... I'm allergic to my house and the best trip I've made was back to college... this year Chestertown, next year the world!!!

Der Wahnsinn
du riechst so gut
gleich hab ich dich
die spur ist frich
ich geh dir hinterher
dein warmes blut
jetzt hab ich dich

German cheesecake and formalwear? scheizer!

these five words in my head
scream are we having fun yet

happy Birthday Ball, ladies and gentlemen.

Being as how the icy hell is now coming to a close - yes I like snow, yes I like time off... but there is the snowflake that breaks the moose's back, so to speak - and my little break from reality is over, I find myself waking to three tests and a few papers... Isn't there a law against loading college students with work after snow days? Blizzards are stressful, you know...

...or both.

I've got plenty to say, but none of it is coming out right, so I'm not going to bother right now.

So I had this dream a few nights back, where I go to the dining hall for dinner, but the cafeteria lady won't take my card. So I look at the card (which, mind you, is pretty beat up in real life, but still functional) and all the writing and the picture have almost completely faded off. I try to tell her that it really is my card, and that if she charges the meal on it it will work anyway, but she won't believe me. Does this mean that I feel I am losing myself, and that it does not go unnoticed, but I continue to perpetuate the self I have created? It would appear that I have some thinking to do.

Hey Anna, long time no see =) I'm not off IM, but I have auto-blocked anyone off my buddy list, so if you want to, send me your new SN (if that's why you don't see me). In any case, I welcome anyone back who was on this previously, should they choose...
* * *

Heh... So somebody does post to Blogger these days... I'll bet you forgot you had anyone else allowed to, Tom... But anyway, I'm glad to (kind of) hear from you, after you apparently dropped off the face of AIM... Cheers...

On another note, we were practicing intramuscular injections (of just saline) with lab rats in Comparative Physiology, and a few days later the professor brought in two rats for Intro Pharmacology; my poor rat ended up getting shot up with an equivalent to cannibus. So we thought it keeled over after a few minutes, but ten minutes or so after the injection, he tapped the cage and the rat jumped like it had been shot... then a minute or two later, it just kind of flopped over on its side like a dead fish. The really funny thing (poor rat!) was that a bunch of people muttered that their friends were just like that most of the time... and I just kept thinking of a rat with an afro singing "cause I got high."

No matter what they say... Biology's a trip =p

So about this blog I never update...

I end up working the closing shift on Saturday. As in, the Saturday after they said I couldn't work because I had too many daytime hours. So they give me a 3-hour closing (which I didn't particularly want) after they deny me a 4-hour event I wanted.
...
riiiiiiight.

Just checked my grades.
I haven't done that badly in years.
years.
I'm going now.

Right, so now we can't play pool at work, added to the fact that we couldn't watch TV for a while now (ie we couldn't put down on the couch and put up our feet... checking out a show is still ok), and I know we've been told that we shouldn't just sit in the booth and do homework all shift. Now, while I like doing nothing as well as the next guy, and I realize that ignoring our job doesn't help our image... well, neither does looking like we're bored out of our minds. Which it looks like we will be. So I ask... wazzupwitdat?

now presenting the nihilist zone... in technacolor!

i've found that being what's right doesn't mean it hurts any less

good night all

(sigh)

closing shifts are not quite the bane of my existence... but I like not having to work when I work. And if I am going to be sleep-deprived, I want it to be because I want to... Eh, I'm being too picky. Ain't nothin' wrong wit cash money. ;)

[insert Seether lyrics here]


* * *

the past is gone
it went by like dust to dawn
isn't that the way
everybody's got their dues in life to pay

...

all the things come back to you

Right, so I woke up at 730, had class, work, and homework in the spaces between until about 6, and then a meeting... why is it 9 already? At least I'm getting over this cold - yes, hacking up a lung is progress! Hoping to be well in time to enjoy the 60� (!) weather this weekend... Anyway, cheers to any or all who are reading, and if you know me, IM me if you want in with the lunacy. ;)

So I'm reading my old posts, and I realize I really am an ass quite a bit... if anyone to whom I refer ever reads this, I apologize for previous ass-ness. Will try to keep it to a minimum.

FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

The lunacy continues..... 0.o