Sooo...

Things I've thought/realized/remembered since being home:

- Playing piano is pretty awesome... especially when I don't have to do it for class.
- Arcanum is a great game, especially [blah blah blah dorky stuff].
- There is no such things as too many DVDs or too many special features.
- Clarinex really does lose its effects over time... and I'm still allergic to my house.
- Beta fish are very simple fish, with very small... stomachs.
- I will miss college dearly, and I will miss the people there even more.
- My thesis is sooo not getting done when I wanted it to.
- I still have no idea what I'm doing next year. And it's scary.
- I want to have more fun at college, and I want to work harder and learn more... I don't really need to sleep, do I?
- Knowing the right thing to do, but at the same time realizing how hard the decision will be, is excruciating.
- I wish my Dad wasn't in the midwest running away from his problems, and I wish my Mom wasn't bottling hers up.
- I'm not a teenager anymore... damn.
- So there's this girl...
- ...heh, what's new.
- Anyway.
- Hokay. So. Here you have the Earth. "That is a sweet Earth," you might think. Wrong!
- It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine...
- I don't have any New Years plans.
- I kissed a girl at New Years once... Once. It was good.
- I've slept on a couch the last two New Years...
- Last New Years was also the first time I heard of Martini & Rossi champagne. Which is the awesomest.
- This has turned into a stream-of-consciousness thing, which I'm okay with. Except it's not really stream-of-consciousness, because I definitely won't write some of the things I'm thinking of. Some things... you just have to say in person.
- Moving on... if there is such a job as part-time masseuse, I should look into it.
- And no, no happy ending.
- I'm in a very odd mood right now. Not really tired, but not really motivated. I suppose I'll put my computer together so I can put music on my new MP3 player. Yay for a birthday present I know just what to do with!
- Dad sent me pecans, disposable shaves, and machine oil for Christmas/birthday. I rest my case.
- In case it wasn't clear, I'm now 20. No congratulations are necessary, I didn't do it on purpose.
- I have absolutely no plans for my birthday, except perhaps sleep in. I do that a lot lately.
- I brought home video games that I will have positively no time to play. Not because I don't physically have the time available before I go back, but because I don't intend to make time for them. Try that one on for size!
- Fwahaha, the computer works! (As well as it ever did, anyway.) Birthday plan #1: install the sound card and DVD-R drive I bought months ago. Gloat in triumph as my computer now works flawlessly (dream on).
- Backup Birthday plan #1a: find bottle of Martini & Rossi...
- Last MP3 player: 20GB. Contents when it broke: 19GB. Number of songs: 3900+. Number of songs I actually listened to regularly: <1000.>
- You'll be doing alright
With your Christmas of white
But I'll have a blue Christmas
- It wasn't actually a blue Christmas; it was quite nice, if somewhat low-key. But I like that song.
- In case it isn't apparent, I stopped having intelligent things to say a while ago, and am currently using this post as a diversion while my computer loads music tracks.
- So I'm going to sleep now. "Now" being after I post this, turn off the computer, turn off the other computer, clean off my bed, and change. Here's to another good year, and as more fun in the next few months than is scientifically possible. And if I don't post before then, Happy New Year.

Now Playing:

But she'll be there when I'm gone
Yeah she'll be there when I'm gone
Damn sure she'll be there
- Metallica, Unforgiven II



I'm done.
It's over.
Time to go.

Good night everyone, wherever you are...

The girl I love, I loved before
I loved before, but could not love
For passing time, and stars above
The girl I loved, I love her more

The girl I loved, loved me before
A bloom of Spring, though grown in Fall
But now through Winter does life crawl
Love's spring frozen evermore.

Now Playing:
Adema, The Way You Like It
Smashing Pumpkins, Zero


This is most likely the best week ever.

It has felt more like that at other times during the week, but I am about to go to fencing, out to dinner for Steve's birthday, to a play, and to a lovely formal. If it doesn't feel like the best week ever again in twelve hours, there's something wrong with me :)


Quotes:

"This is my anemia dance!" - Misty, far too late at night

"So opposite of a leaving group is..."
"...a coming group?"
- How [not] to teach someone Organic Chemistry

Quote o' the Day:

raineof fire 27: wax up your surfboard, then
raineof fire 27: ... i just realized how incredibly sexual that phrase is


Happy birthday Renee and Elaine! (it's still the same day, it's not dawn yet :P )

Now Playing:
Godsmack, Awake


Things that are fun out of context (ie, quotes):

"I don't need the corkscrew that bad, I swear!" - Misty, who didn't need the corkscrew... really

"Do you want me to pound it?" "Yeah, pound it right there." - My friends getting a soil sample with a soil corer. You really do have to pound it. Hard.

Now Playing:
Limp Bizkit, Nookie

The Star Wars remix:
"I did it all for the wookies!" :P


Recent quotes:

"I think I tightened the crotch too much..." - A revelation today during fencing, since I am not used to jackets with crotchguards.

"It's not snowing, so I don't have to wear pants." - Dan's theory of why he can still wear shorts, but it sounds better without context. Forget I said anything :P

Now Playing:
IRON MAIDEN!!!!
(The Quick and the Dead, The Trooper, Man on the Edge)

How in the world did I ever let myself forget how awesome Iron Maiden is? It's a mistake I don't intend to repeat. Even though I only have the tracks from the Carmageddon 2 soundtrack. Very awesome band.

So in essence, I'm done for the week. The most important things (academically, anyway) are all done and I still found some time to relax. If only the relaxing had been mixed in with the work a little more, I could consider this a well-executed, balanced, and productive week.

(I was going to add more at the time that I wrote this but I wasn't really going anywhere with it anyway...)

Now Playing:
silence


I feel confused. I often feel confused, but I feel particularly so now. This has occurred often recently. A proactive approach would suggest seeking the source of confusion and fixing whatever is wrong, but I'm not sure things are that simple. The more I think about it, the more difficult it becomes to perceive what is wrong - and further, how I would fix it if I knew for sure. The few things I do know for sure, I am hanging on to for dear life, and hoping that they are the right things to depend on. I don't want to think about what might result if I am wrong.


Quote of the Day (yesterday):

"Thinking about pi bonds makes me hungry!" - Caitlin, on OChem

It was me. It was me all along. God, I am dense. I hope I never forget that...

The main course tonight will be resolution with a hint of melancholy, followed by a large helping of relief. You may find the exuberance insubstantial, but if you do then this is probably not for you. Ham!

Now Playing:
Bon Jovi, It's My Life

Before it seems like I didn't remember anything, all the people who chilled on Friday are damn cool. And to everyone who didn't chill... well, you're still sorta cool.


So the quotes of the weekend are:


"I wanted five individual quesadillas, not five boxes of quesadillas." - Some guy at the CC, through which four other people got free quesadillas...

"Kittens are like toads with fur!" - Toni from Gen Bio, explaining why spiders are not as cute as kittens

"I learned from instructional videos." - Amy (need I say more?)

...and there's another one, but I can't find the post-it that I wrote it on. Maybe something Renee said about "there's a wave of tingle in my head." It was like that.

Now playing:
Burt Bacharach, What The World Needs Now Is Love
(I've seen Austin Powers too many times recently)

So...

Do I accept what is offered to me, or do I turn down what I don't want and have nothing? Is it better to compromise and at least have something or to not settle and have nothing at the moment? Or should I find and get what I want? Do I really want it anyway? Am I just too scared to put in the effort? Am I scared that I will fail, or am I scared that I will succeed? What would I do if I did? (What wouldn't I do if I did?)

Rebekah would tell me that I think too much.

You are DNA. You're a smart person, and you appear
incredibly complex to people who don't know
you. You're incomparably full of information,
and most of it is useless.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?


They forgot to mention that I'm made up of regular repeating structures, and have complimentary strands... oh wait. Well, at least that useless part is right on. :P

Now Playing:
Jet, Are You Gonna Be My Girl
The Darkness, I Believe In A Thing Called Love

I read something oddly appropriate tonight - an article, which really read more like a rant - debunking the theory of "nice" guys. It started out somewhat bitchy, but as the author got to her point I started to realize that I almost entirely agreed with her. Occasional small jabs aside, she mainly put forth that the average "nice" guy is simply a guy who lacks the balls to be direct and make a move. Instead, he acts friendly towards girls who interest him in a roundabout way to get laid. Then, when nothing happens, he whines about the lack of action in his life.

Now I can't say that I've never wondered why no one seems interested in me, or that I've never chickened out and let an opportunity pass me by (though boy, did I regret it later). On the other hand, I think of myself as not a "nice guy" because I don't do things to be nice. I'd like to think I'm friendly, and I like to be there for my friends, but that has nothing to do with being interested in them.

The problem with all of this comes when I start thinking too much about things. And I inevitably do. Most likely, I start to think about what is likely to happen before I even start anything. For example, the most common way that women have found me attractive is by being friends first. This by itself isn't a problem, but then if I am interested in someone I don't know, it is hard for me to know how to go about it. When I just ask a girl to dinner, things have a way of not going anywhere. Also, the transition from friendship to relationship can be much more smooth than trying to forge a relationship from scratch.

No matter how tantalizing to consider, all that stuff is just an excuse that lets me indulge in being afraid. Whether it's fear of rejection, fear of losing friends, or fear of things actually going well, I need to get over it. This little article, accurate or not, told me what I needed to hear. I have to stop waiting for things to happen and take some risks. After all, fear is the only thing I have to lose.

Now Playing:
Metallica, Fuel

It's a good afternoon. Test went well-ish, finally some sunshine, and nothing else to do all day. I need some good old-fashioned free time in my life.


Recent Quotes:

"Don't ever eat the cookie taco." - Adam, at lunch

"Once your liver and spleen explode, you're kinda... you're pretty much going to die." - Chemistry lecturer, on the disease leishmaniasis

"Happy Birthday..." - Sam, to a professor, right before starting to take her sweatshirt off (which pulled her T-shirt with it a bit), so the effect was something like "Happy Birthday!" [strips]


Walking home from lunch, I decided that if my first choice for hero superpower is unreasonable, then I would like the ability to control ice cream. Like, generate high-pressure streams of soft-serve from my hands or throw popsicles that explode into sprinkles or something. I could bury my enemies under an avalanche of neapolitan, or at least give them nasty brain freeze. I think that would be fun, and I could keep all my friends entertained with frosty treats.

As far as last night goes, if there is such a thing as a lobster high, Dan and I were on it. Between the two of us and the claws we gave to Steve (who decided he liked lobster after giving his to Dan) we polished off 13 of the things. At a modest $10 a pop, that means we each ate over $50 in crustacean alone. The rationale was that we got our money's worth... for this year and all the other ones. Needless to say, this goes down in history as the best lobster night ever.


["Don't you mean... bizarro lobster night?"]

Now Playing:
Whitesnake, Here I Go Again

I fully realize that the last post was mainly a load of crap. The idea was that I wondered how some guy could be so idiotic as to break up with a woman who is attractive in so many ways, and why she even put up with a guy like that for as long as she did. It really doesn't matter though. The attractive women will keep falling for the arrogant assholes and the arrogant assholes will keep breaking their hearts, while the nice guys will keep wondering why. This means that there's probably a nice girl wondering when the nice guy will realize that she has been there all along. But somewhere, there's a nice and attractive woman who has given up on assholes and just wants a nice guy...

Now Playing:
Seether, Gasoline

So last night I was hanging out at a friend's place (in lieu of studying, naturally) and the topic of her roommate's recent ex-boyfriend came up. Let me digress for a moment and clarify: as if it wasn't enough that this girl is smart, funny, talented, and super-nice, she's drop-dead gorgeous too. And some jackhole whose name escapes me decided she wasn't worth his time. The only thing I can say in a half-hearted attempt at seeing his side of the issue is that I don't know her that well. Even so, for her to have some dark secret that drove him away seems highly unlikely. I'm sticking with my previous diagnosis - that he's just another typical dumbass guy.

Anyway, later on this girl asked (in a wondering, rhetorical sort of way) why so many of the guys at WAC seem to be just like this idiot. Naturally, this made me wonder - why are so many males here so... typical? My first instinct is to say that there are so many ladies here that it allows guys to act like a-holes, but that really can't explain all of it. After all, I know plenty of nice guys; I don't generally keep company with guys otherwise. The next logical answer is that there really are nice guys here, but that they just don't get as much airtime as the assholes. Given the typical asshole prototype, they tend to be louder, bigger partiers, bigger drinkers (ie easy, though that doesn't mean much for a guy), and tend to know more people. However, I don't feel that explanation is accurate either, given that a relatively small percentage of people are born assholes (I think). The final assumption is that guys tend to not be as in touch with their emotions, and certain situations *cough* lacrosse *cough* can further drive a guy to brainless machismo. This "accidental asshole" theory is far from complete or even necessarily founded in fact, but it seems reasonable that a somewhat-nice guy can, through particularly male thinking and poor choices, end up doing asshole-ish things that are easier to continue than to rectify.

I think she may have added "why aren't there any nice guys?" but that's too hard to answer without making an ass of myself... so I just let it be rhetorical.

So I'm the lucky bastard that got the number half the idiots in Chestertown call when they fuck up the number for Domino's. Apparently the other half were actually dialing on their TV remote...

Quote of the night:
"I shouldn't flash certain glass-cutting areas..." - Cassie

Things learned from tonight:

1) Dan is still the grillmaster, and makes a damn good burger
2) Low-carb wheat wraps are craptastic to make wraps with
3) Warning a friend before giving them a shot that is half Tabasco sauce is common courtesy (though significantly less fun)
4) Beating a friend at his own game is quite fun
5) The Axe Effect really does work sometimes (though the stuff requires frequent refreshing)
6) It can be fun to party with people you don't really know... and asking the person you want to dance with to dance can't hurt
7) According to some people, I am God :)
8) K-Rock is hilarious when he's drunk
9) All in all, Steve's damn cool, even if he doesn't agree that I'm God
10) A night that involves something that has been bothering me lately and someone who I wanted to see that never showed can still be awesome if I let it.

*I thought I posted this last Saturday, but apparently my computer died and I never finished the draft. Here's what I had:

Now Playing:
Rob Dougan, Clubbed to Death

Tonight I ended up in Caroline, after walking friends back to Minta where one realized her keys were in someone else's room. Unfortunately, she was a little sick, so due to my tendency toward a sensitive gag reflex, I found myself waiting outside the restrooms while another friend helped on the front lines. It was there that I noticed the fight going on in someone's room. Despite being about halfway down the length of Caroline from me, it was clear that a boyfriend (or at least someone involved) was having issues with one of the residents. There were a number of accusations from the guy, met with tearful defensive retorts from the girl, and then the crash of broken glass. I saw a couple of pieces come out from under the door.

Eventually the girl told the guy to leave. He did, and her quiet sobs chased the echoes of the slammed door down the stairs. The girl who we had been hanging out with got paper towels to help clean up the broken glass. My friends came out of the bathroom and had some water, then we walked downstairs and I said my good nights. I couldn't shake two feelings the entire time, both of which hit me as I stood outside the bathroom, listening to the muffled coughs from one direction and the quiet sobs from the other.

The computer just died (twice!) and I lost two solid paragraphs, because I'm too tired to remember "Save as Draft because computer sucks". Anyway. Back to the story:

So I was standing there and I realized that I don't usually see this side of college life. I've been here for years now and I still feel as if my rather tame and proper life is relatively normal. And yet, I really do know that all this stuff is going on, I just choose not to accept it or think about it. Troubled relationships, drinking to the point of sickness, and even the couple we interrupted drunkenly doing something illicit in the lobby are all a part of college life for so many people, but just because I don't see it, I feel like it doesn't happen. It bothers me somewhat that I am still so closeted (though much more aware than I was in high school, but that doesn't say much) and I hope that I can manage to be less surprised by the antics of more normal college students without becoming cynical about it.

The other thing that I thought about was that men really can be assholes. As I stood outside the bathroom, I couldn't help but hear the louder segments of conversation. From these, I gathered that the guy was drunk, confused about the girl's interest in him, and out to get laid. When it didn't look like the night was going his way, he first got mad, then got violent. Thankfully, she wasn't hurt (physically) and there were people around who were aware of the situation and willing to help. I know some guys feel that violence is the best way to solve any problem, and I know how easy it can be to get frustrated, especially when emotions are already involved. However, as this particular situation demonstrated, violence doesn't really solve anything. I wish it were easier for those in abusive relationships to distance themselves from the situation, but feelings for someone can't simply be turned off. Even if she left him today, the girl in Caroline has already would have already dealt with too much.

*That's about all I had. There will probably be something interesting soon... I keep getting good quotes and forgetting them. Hopefully this week will be a little less hectic.

This deserves its own frickin post.

So I found this little gem on AIM.com. That should have been a tipoff right there, but I was intrigued. This led me to find the most blatant example of scientific idiocy in print that I can remember having seen. Let me break down the main selling points:

1) "Men Allegedly Bomb McDonald's Over Shake" (the title) So how sensationalist is that? Still, it gets better...

2) "Investigators say the men mixed toilet bowl cleaner and aluminum foil in a plastic soda bottle as they sat at a table Friday evening near the restaurant's restrooms. They then capped the bottle, put it on the table and left before it exploded at 10:45 p.m. Friday. A customer sitting 10 feet away wasn't hit by the splashing chemicals." (straight from the article)

My roomie Dan, resident chemist, explained that the reaction was probably due to sulfuric acid in the cleaner reacting with the metal, releasing relatively harmless gas. Something akin to mixing vinegar and baking soda. Therefore, the "explosion" to which the article repeatedly refers was nothing more than a pop, probably the top coming off the bottle. And the "splashing chemicals" - again, toilet bowl cleaner - would have gone approximately nowhere.

3) "'The toilet bowl cleaner has an acid base,' Taylor said. 'It can burn your skin and put your eyes out.'" (sadly... verbatim from the article)

Best... and by far the worst. I could just go on about this one. When I read it I literally did a double take. To a chemist, the way it was said that the active ingredient of the cleaner is acidic in nature is rather unwieldy. However, the rest is so alarmist that even our overcareful lab director would giggle at how the dangers of toilet bowl cleaner were described. The sheriff doing the talking here sounds like some kind of uninformed parent explaining to a three year old why he shouldn't play under the sink. "You'll put your eye out!!!" Ha. Oh, and I think they weren't kidding.

So in conclusion, AIM news has yet to find the top end of the reliable list, and I have yet to figure that out before reading their silly stories. There was one about nuking hurricanes, but I haven't gotten to it yet... maybe I should quit while I'm ahead.

Now playing:
Rock the Caspa, by someone or other (it's in my head!)

Don't know why I'm posting... maybe just because I can. There was something to say but now there isn't. I have just wasted time for so long, and all I have to show for it is vacuum. And I don't think there will be as much drinking... last night got a little crazy and I'm starting to lose touch with all the things I used to enjoy about not drinking. I still enjoy them - I guess I just forgot how good they can be. And I found ways to make alcohol not suck. Oh well. Still love that Fresca!

Now Playing:

I don't wanna know
if you're playing me keep it on the low
'cause my heart can't take it anymore
and if you're creeping please don't let it show
oh baby I don't wanna know
~Mario Winans

...also known as "the sadness." So great, in its sadness. No particular significance - except, again, that for some masochistic reason I enjoy basking, no, reveling in the sadness that this song embodies.

So it's time to let go. That is, it was time to let go a couple of days ago, but apparently now it was time to let go a couple of months ago. Regardless, it's not that easy. There's no "off" switch, no giant power cord or panic button or anything else. The heart is an entity that functions of its own accord (and yes, the sinoatrial node can generate signals for cardiac contraction independent of the brain, but that's different). It contradicts typical laws of logic and reason, conforming instead to its own code of behavior that has defied analysis by desperate men and women since the beginning of human time.

It is for this reason that I have found myself at an impasse in previous times: how to reason with the situation wherein I am attracted to someone in whom I cannot be interested. It seems now more than ever that, as a good friend, I must let this go. However, it almost seems reasonable this time. I remember the last time I tried to let this go and, in retrospect, how miserable a failure it was. Again, the heart is its own governing entity and is quite capable of ignoring the intelligent or logical choices suggested by the cerebrum. I can only hope that I was not the only one who failed so thoroughly in such an endeavour.

In any case, I found myself considering the words of the Romantics: enjoy the memory of that which you have enjoyed, and enjoy it all the more for the fact that it is gone. They probably never actually said that, but that's kinda the point. Romanticism was one of my favorite classes ever and I miss it; it gave me a better outlook on life. To have forgotten it, or just not taken it into consideration for some time, seemed like an insult to the classes and the writers themselves. So the other day I was thinking about this letting-go thing and how bummed I felt about it, and then it occurred to me that it was gone, yet I could be happy if I just focused on the fact that I had what I had. That may seem like settling or rationalizing but in fact, it doesn't change anything and it makes me feel better about things.

So that's that. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, or even today... but I do know that I value the past enough to respect it and enjoy its memory even in the face of a less-hopeful future. Again, nothing has changed, but I am not going to wish for things I can't have if I don't stop to appreciate what I lost.

To put this in context... I'm a little not myself right now. I'm quite ramble-y and a little woozy as well as very tired. However it still makes perfect sense from my current perspective. and that's that.

Now Playing:
Good Charlotte, Hold On

"I just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything's going to be okay." - The Wedding Singer

Maybe not the guy in the movie who then does exactly that for purposes of comic relief. Still, my life feels like it's stuck in that downswing of crap after all the good stuff builds, right before the height of action and resolution. Like in Old School right around Blue dying and the fraternity getting their charter suspended. As if things aren't already pretty damn bad, they just seem to keep getting worse. I can't say my life is without its high points, even in the apparent doldrums, but so many things have gone wrong lately that I find myself conjecturing on what will fail next. It's a lousy attitude and I know I need to lose it. Things always look up eventually if you let them, but the view is always shit from the trenches.

Now playing: Jet, Are You Gonna Be My Girl


Is it wrong to buy something from the cafe as an excuse to make conversation with the attractive girl working? Didn't think so.


Recent quotes:

"He's an acquired taste and I haven't acquired it." - A friend, on someone less palatable. I just thought it was clever.

"My karma ran over my dogma" - bumper sticker. Funnier when you realize that it actually makes sense beyond the play on words.

So I haven't been doing a great job of recording them lately, oh well. Being back at college wit mah peeps, certain hilarity will ensue given some time and patience. Ah Washington College, how I've missed you.

Now playing: silence

I started this twice but the computer crashed out on me. Nothing like technical failures to rain on a parade. However, I decided that the only truly important thing I had to say is this:

I remain, and probably always will be, deeply attracted to you... but I cannot now be interested in you again, for reasons of honor. This is not my purpose in spending time with you, but I can't help but think it every time I see you. I hope you understand, and I hope you forgive me for not having the courage to tell you today. There is so much I could say, and so little time to say it...

Good night everyone, wherever you are.

Now Playing:
Velvet Revolver, the whole CD (because it kicks ass!)

I intended to post on Thursday night, but instead chose to spend that time writing a real letter to a certain friend of mine :) Naturally, Friday was occupied with final concerns with summer research, then moving out. I did have some thoughtful things to say, but they've been somewhat beaten out of me.

All in all, the last few days have been bittersweet. In many ways, this was the best summer I have had yet; in other ways, this was by far the worst. Regardless of which takes greater importance, I was rather sad to leave on Friday. Lack of sleep and a general desire to get done with moving home kept me motivated, but the afternoon and evening passed in a rather dazed state. Saturday went well enough, with the drive down to NC passing generally uneventfully. Hanging out with my best friend and his girl on Saturday night was pretty awesome as well. He had better come back from overseas in one piece or I may have to kick his ass in the afterlife.

Being sleep-deprived again on Sunday, the day didn't start all that well, but the rainstorm that hit that afternoon made things significantly worse. Pouring rain and the occasional hydroplane-causing puddle thoroughly ruin a 75 MPH stretch of highway. The day ended with me almost getting a decent amount of sleep for the first time in weeks. It was bright and sunny on Monday morning, and the camp at which my friend is a counselor (an awesome one, I hear) was positively beautiful.

After an excellent lunch and coffee (and sad goodbye), we headed home. Naturally, a couple hours into the drive, we hit the same storm again, only this time we went pretty much through the entire thing. And it hadn't rained out at all - it was still pouring when the sun set. The only thing worse than driving on unfamiliar roads in the pouring rain is doing so at night. Just when I thought things were bad enough, we hit the more rural stretch between Richmond and DC. Which lacks reflectors in the lines. So I'm driving along in my 8th hour behind the wheel, wipers on hyperspeed, squinting at the near-invisible dashed white lines, doing 70 and getting passed anyway by tractor trailers, which kicked up so much water that I thought I was in a carwash...

Finally we made it home and I collapsed into bed. About 24 driving hours, 1000+ miles, and dozens of Propel waters, frappuccinos, iced coffees, and diet sodas later, my first road trip was over. It was awesome to see my friends and good to get more driving experience. Do I ever want to drive again? Probably. Do I want to see a steering wheel any time in the next month? NO.

Now playing:
"Chariots of Fire" Theme
 
FWAHAHAHAHAHA...
 
I've never been one to stake health on a statistic, and I really don't even care what I weigh if I'm healthier and look better.  That said, there's nothing to boost the ego quite like hopping on a scale and seeing the lowest number in years.  No massive change, but it makes me really optimistic about the next few months.  For one thing, every time I've gone to the Philippines I lost about 5% of my body weight (that fish and rice thing really does it).  If that happens I won't miss it much, but the real prize will be the school year.  At the current rate of weight loss, I will reach my current [realistic] goal by the end of the school year, which is convenient for May Day.  That would be the best graduation present ever.
 

Now playing:
Jay-Z, 99 Problems

Yet another song that I should listen to more often.

I wanted to say something but I can't word it very well, and I'm actually somewhat worried about seeming offensive to some people so I'll hold off until I can figure out how I want to say it, if I still do.  The more personal part (which I also still can't say right) is that I've started doubting the validity of the concept of "the right one."  It sounds like a nice thing to hope for, and there are certainly women I know that I could be happy enough with, but I still don't think I've found a "right one."  Perhaps the concept in my mind is intrinsically flawed by unrealistic expectations.  Regardless of whether that is to blame, I have still managed to find enough potential points of conflict in any girl I've been attracted to for a long time to convince myself that a relationship wouldn't work out.  And that is why I am single.

I am out of time, so I'll figure out more later.

 

NOoooooooooooo...

Serves me right for not writing the damn thing in Word.  Damn the backspace key.  Anyway, here's most of it.  Except now I'm pissed so this is going to come out short and mad.  Like a rabid badger or something.

***

Now playing:
I Stand Alone, by Godsmack

I should listen to this more often.

It seemed like longer since I updated but the last few updates were crap anyway.

We went to UDel today and talked endlessly about various crap and bitched about poor organization and general confusion in Puerto Rico.  Everything was pretty cool, except for the usual small bitchy things, which are pretty endemic to visiting UDel anyway.  I wish they'd visit us for a change, and we WILL have them visit after the new building is done.  Kidnapping possible.

...I don't remember what came next but it was probably some bitching about something.  I do that.  There were some Noted Quotes or whatever I call them, so here they are.  In convenient countdown form because people love that shit.

4.  "Punta Gorda, Fla" - Bumper Sticker

The best the translator will give me is "Fat End," but if memory serves me correctly the name of that town means "Fat Bitch" or the like.  The other Florida hotspot.

 
3.  "Fuckcock!" - A certain research partner, either while working yesterday or in traffic today. 

He has the best expletives.

 
2.  In Wal-Mart:
Mexican:  "Donde estan los banos?"
Mom:  "Oh, you're from Los Banos?"

Mom... worries me sometimes.


1.  "Blog - A public internet journal kept by individuals who obviously have no shame." - VH1

Damn straight.  And why I use this instead of LJ.

 

I was gonna have five but then I didn't feel like coming up with a fifth.  So to all you multiples-of-five people out there... this blog isn't FOR you.  Ham!

I really hate it when I have something important and, moreso, interesting to say and it vaporizes by the time I get to writing it down. I think the world would be significantly more advanced if it wasn't for bad memory.

I still don't understand women. I should probably not hold my breath waiting.

Maybe I'll get in trouble for this, since so far all of my three readers are female, but...

I fear I will never understand women. They are completely beyond comprehension, occasionally even to members of their own sex.

That's really all, I won't go into details but they are certainly gory. God save us all.

So according to AOL Presidential Match Guide, I match 72% with Kerry and 19% with Bush. Not that I particularly intended to vote Bush anyway, but Kerry seems to have the right idea on more of the issues than I expected. That and, after seeing Fahrenheit 9/11, I don't think I can support someone who intends to keep troops in Iraq unnecessarily. They may be needed there, but they don't need to be there as long as they are, or under the current circumstances. Get done what needs to be done and get them out of situations where they get blown up. This isn't a Bush thing necessarily, but so far he's the one who's sending troops over, not Kerry.

And if Bush sends my best friend AJ, who is in the marines, to Iraq to get shot at, you can damn well bet I'm not voting for him.

There was something else but now I'm all "war bad! grrr!" so I can't really remember. That happens often, and usually when I can't blame it on the war in Iraq...


This week's noted quote:

"Do not drive with sunshade open. Remove sunshade from windshield before operating vehicle." - Warning on folding cardboard shade that goes in a car windshield.

This means someone, somewhere at one point thought, it doesn't say to take it down so I'll drive with this piece of cardboard completely blocking my windshield! Probably right before they hit the tree.

Now Playing:
Bobby Darin, Mack the Knife


I was going to submit a list of particularly dorky things I did today, but anyone who knows me already knows I'm a gigantic dork and anyone else doesn't need proof of this. To summarize, I made a calculator program and thought about video games a lot. Didn't play them, but it's the thought that counts anyway.

And now, a new feature, noted quotes:

"Erections lasting four hours or more, though rare, require immediate medical attention." - commercial for 36-hour Cialis

Seriously though, wouldn't it be the woman needing the medical attention?

Now Playing:
Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell, Beautiful
The Soggy Bottom Boys, The Man of Constant Sorrow

The results of a playlist alphabetized by author.


Recently I came to the conclusion that I kind of suck at everything. That is, I have not put significant effort into anything that I've done to date. While that unfairly discounts the numerous long hours I've put into many of my classes, particularly recently, it seems in retrospect that I could concentrate much more on school and perhaps do a bit better. In comparison to people who do as well as I do but know what they are trying to accomplish and work to achieve it, I think I am still doing little more than is required, and it disappoints me. It continues to disappoint me, as I am sure this won't change overnight. I have met great challenges and made great sacrifices for my school, but somehow it doesn't seem nearly enough now. Perhaps I'll change that while I still can...

Oh yeah, and the whole point behind posting tonight was this thing about realizing that I have been trying to fill the hole of emotional affection left by not having a relationship by surrounding myself with physically attractive women. Thus, having been without a supportive emotional relationship since Erin before she dumped me (unless you count Beth on her good days, which were good but unfortunately outnumbered by the bad ones), I have been trying to engage myself in the enjoyment of physically attractive scenery. This has been tempered by attempts to enjoy good female company as well, but the fact remains that I am trying to replace a missing ceiling support with carpet or something. Physical attraction and pleasant company are very important parts of a relationship, and perhaps even important parts of a healthy personality, but they must exist in cooperation with emotional attachment, rather than replacing it. This is why people attempt to have purely physical relationships but fail in them miserably, and keep having them because they remain as unfulfilled aferward as they were before. I have, in a sense, had purely physical relationships (though they weren't actual relationships, simply looking) as long as I can remember being attracted to anyone - even before Erin, before I was dating. I wasn't always so interested in such superficial attachments to women around me, but that was before I realized how crazy the emotional trip from crushes can be and before I felt the sting of being turned down. Since then I have always tried to replace emotional relationships by simply immersing myself in the attractive and amiable around me. Sometimes this was because emotional relationship were not available to me, and sometimes it has just been more convenient because hot girls don't stop being hot or going out in public just to spite guys like me who look at them, or because it "doesn't work" for them anymore. There's no guilt, there's no misleading, and it's easy. But I've realized (not now, I'm almost too tired to type right now) that it isn't a replacement for emotional attachment, and that's why I feel lonely. It isn't that my friends aren't there for me - I have wonderful, supportive friends that keep me sane no matter what. However, there's just something missing that all the friends, fun dates, and pretty girls in the world couldn't replace.


And I just read over this and confirmed it's a rambling mess, but maybe I can clear it up tomorrow. The end result is that this superficial attachment to good looks and women in general cannot sustain me, and will probably lead to my emotional demise if I don't get over it. I need to get back to the emotion of relationships, how great it can be to see someone even if the last time was just yesterday, how someone's smile can feel warm inside (not counting shots), how nice it can be to just spend time around someone, doing anything or nothing at all. I need to fall for someone. Again.


I'm ready for a relationship.

Now playing:
Chariots of Fire, from Old School

Previously playing:
my depressive playlist including Coldplay, Dave Matthews, Eamon, and Mario Winans


So I was going to say a few things about our collaboration meetings yesterday and today, but given that we finished initial processing of Sample 6 at 7:30 tonight, and it's now several hours and a few fuzzy fucks later, I am dead tired. (if you don't know what I'm talking about, visit the suite next year and I'll mix one up.) In short: Puerto Rico people were cool, their students were hot, UDel students were still hot, and Andrew and I were critically lauded by all present for knowing our bacteria shizzle. All except Dr. Baker, who didn't critically laud anyone, but did bring my Helicobacter beads. Yay for hot interns and knowing our stuff cold, yay for being able to start Helico work, and yay for fuzzy fucks after a long day. As it's also a special occasion, I'll have one more for the road, so Happy Anniversary to me *clink* and good night.

Now playing:
System of a Down, F the System

I'm in super hyper crazy mode right now for no apparent reason. Anyway, I forgot to mention that I hit 6 sets of 5 reps of 250 pounds on the seated chest press. Not that anyone cares - but I do! Wahoo for mad muscle power!

A few of you will know why this is beyond frickin' hilarious, in a half-sarcastic sort of sense. The rest of you don't need to know. :p

Which random kitten picture are you
Username
You are:
This QuickKwiz by lebowski - Taken 27937 Times.

New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

Now playing: nothing yet, I just got out of the shower

So last night's was a bust, thanks to the good ol' hunk-o-junk that my computer still is, but c'est la vie. Tonight I set out for the sunset (ie the river) but laziness compelled me to the Western Shore instead. There was a beautiful view from Harford, a red crescent slowly disappearing into a fading pink sky. The moon was mysteriously hazy behind a thin veil of clouds, and the fireflies flashed their neon love as always. I couldn't help being surprised, both at the enduring quality of the firefly population and at my own pessimism for their duration. It always becomes more apparent how plentiful they were after they are gone, as it is with most things.

I've had several conversations now with a rather large spider in my shower; he was there this morning, apparently just out to bed because after I finally left him in rather humid peace, he didn't move until I went back for another shower tonight. I could almost hear him grumbling about being awoken so rudely and so early in the evening as he nimbly hoisted himself to higher ground. Considering his chosen spot of exile from the peril of my indoor rainstorm - inside the track of the sliding door - I could have easily squashed him (or her, I suppose) with hardly a second thought. However, the spider did have the good sense to hide away from the spray, rather than be washed down the drain with assorted bodily detritus, and didn't seem any more intent on bothering me than I was on bothering it. I kept a watchful eye on it when not sputtering through shampoo, yet didn't feel particularly threatened - despite the impressive size of his fangs, which must have been the envy of the spider community. Instead, I felt an odd sense of karma: though it would probably just die unmolested by human intervention, I couldn't help but entertain the slim possibility that, after surviving its watery encounters today, it might trap a mosquito carrying West Nile bound for my arteries. On the other hand, I might have failed to see its mean streak, and may wake up tomorrow with a massive welt on my arm, or with a mere stump or something. In any case, I'm sure it feels some sense of gratitude for mercy rather than malice on my part, or whatever passes for gratitude in spiders.

The other day, I was on my way through Smith when the open door to Norman James theater caught my attention. I had recalled a sign listing the afternoon's activities for registering freshmen and parents of said future revenue, and one item on the list was "Student Movies." Having forgotten the video Rebekah had made for one of her Anthro classes (apologies if I got that wrong), I was thoroughly surprised to see a thirty-foot Andrew going through our massive refrigerator. The surprise was not so much at his increase in stature, but at the coincidence of seeing him there... Unfortunately the film was already to the credits, but it was still amusing to see him poke around the fridge, identifying various drinks, cheeses, leftovers, and other random denizens of our food supply.

Now playing:
Beach Boys, Wouldn't It Be Nice
(which reminds me, 50 First Dates was so damn cute...)

Playing:
Swing Kids, Sing Sing Sing

Dancing:
As I type, badly


I hadn't realized how long it had been since I posted. Work has been more busy than usual, such that, if there's a free moment, I've probably forgotten something. That said, Andrew never seems to forget anything. The man is a laboratory maven...

[unfinished due to technical difficulties]

A beautiful Midsummer's night.

I had intended to take a walk down to the river to see the sunset, but this failed due to the fact that I was too slow about it (despite taking my bike) and that the sun didn't set anywhere near the river.

Despite these shortcomings in my plan, tonight was one of the best evenings I've spent here. The temperature and breeze were a delight, and even without a spectacular sunset, it was beautiful by the water. I watched a small flotilla of ducks make their way down the river, occasionally harassed by the crazy goose that inhabits the Old Wharf's parking lot. A Blue Heron was perched on the floating dock, and the way it kept an eye on me suggested that I worried it more than the avian commotion. Some Canada Geese, either resident or thoroughly lost, stretched their wings and preened on the dock in complete disregard for the whole bunch.

I didn't want to leave, but the wind was picking up and with it, some clouds were systematically invading the sky, hiding a waxing crescent moon. As I turned to leave, I saw the lights of the pavillion all ablaze, presumably for some later occasion, and it made me consider how nice it would be to live by the water. The fireflies dancing in the park and over every lawn on the way home were a constant reminder of how much I love this time of year. I wanted to stay out forever tonight... but I guess I'll have to settle for the memory.

Ah, Midsummer.

Despite being ensnared by a fog of laziness sometime before I woke up this morning, I feel compelled to write something. However, given the fact that the computer hasn't been terribly good to-nite and I am tired and lazy, etc, I will keep it short. Work continues as usual, plenty of Salmonella flying all over the place, and more to come as well. However, call it further effects of the laziness, but I'm starting to doubt whether I really want to do this. I mean, I like thinking up things to solve and solving problems... but things never go right, there are always unforseen complications, there is always an associated level of drudgery... and I Have this horrible sneaking suspicion that I will never contribute majorly to the world of science. This corner of my brain says, just be content doing major surgeries somewhere, everyone likes surgeons. They save people on the front lines, sewing up hearts and arteries and such. Don't try to save the world, because if you fail then you won't have saved anything. Am I getting at anything here, or is it the lonely, depressive laziness talking?

On the upswing, I would like to note, for permanent record, that I now consider my arms to be at least as cool as my legs. No longer do I lack upper body strength! (I just want more, that's all.) And I got my pull-up to the nose level. Just a couple more inches to a real one! Bwahaha! Let the gym purge all intellectual concerns and worries! Reverting to caveman status! (cue the music from 2001, aka Thus Spoke Zarathustra, don't ask me how I know)

Ok, I've gotten silly. Good night, dream of happy things!

Too cute. Ok, now I'm going to bed. Peace all!

I feel there's been a lack of intelligent content recently, and there's this story about a couple of guys and a Washington College Dodge Intrepid that hasn't quite gotten old yet.

So last Wednesday was the first collaboration meeting with our wonderful extended research family at the University of Delaware. All things aside, the meeting went exceedingly well: we discussed everything from the basic procedure to... well, the procedure in depth. Dr. Herson is always a great person to work with and very on top of things, though at least as busy as Dr. Verville (which I didn't think was possible for some time). Her student researchers are also very nice, though very different from past ones. One seemed very knowledgeable and was very open with her thougths and opinions in discussing adjustments to the procedure, which I hadn't really seen even in Dr. Herson's graduate students before. The other was nice as well but less experienced than Andrew and I, which is really unusual for the UDel lab. I think she will be a big help, but she needs to get some proverbial Salmonella under her belt so she can discuss the topic intelligently.

In any case, the research meeting was a wonderful and productive little tea party, and it would have made the trip a very nice one. However, I've gotten ahead of myself. That morning, when I went to pick up the car from the WC car pool, I had visions of the new Accord or whatever it was sitting in the lot. While the ancient purple Intrepid should have been a disappointment, I was more impressed by the fact that it ran after 189000 miles. So we got going, and everything seemed well; the air conditioner ran sufficiently, which is better than some WC vehicles, and significantly better than the truck Dr. C took out last year whose headlights died about an hour from the college.

We arrived at Newark and met Dr. V, at which time Andrew and I noticed a hissing coming from the front of the car. Imagining tires studded with broken glass and nails, I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were fine. It took a while before we noticed the growing pool of antifreeze under the car. Dr. V called her husband, who said it was probably just overflow of the coolant reservoir, and not to worry. So we had coffee and lunch (and I missed a chance to play pool - damn!) and on the way to the science building for our meeting, checked on the car. The pool of antifreeze was large enough that it had run out from under the car, but we decided it could wait until after the meeting, and the engine was still too hot to do anything anyway.

We met, etc, and when we went back out I popped the hood and Andrew checked the antifreeze reservoir. He says the only thing in it was steam; I didn't even see that. So Dr. V had us follow her to a nearby Pep Boys. In the four blocks or so, the heat meter rose from the bottom to the middle - I don't know what translates to "your engine is melting," but I wasn't interested in moving the car any more. So we go in, and the Pep Boys desk jockey tells us their garage is closed for the night. At this point, I was the only one not particularly annoyed, so the cell phones came out and calls were made. After about ten minutes of deliberation with various people, Dr. V just decided to take us home (two hours out of her way). I'm told someone from Buildings and Grounds had the car fixed and went to get it, but I haven't seen it in the motor pool. That's probably a good thing, but regardless, when we have our next research meeting we are taking the newest vehicle they have. Unfortunately, there isn't such a thing as "too new to break"...


So now that I've put the story down in its entirety, I can stop worrying about telling it and forget it ever happened. If anyone asks, or if I find a need to reference the story, I'll simply give out this url. Ah, the conveniences of the Information Age. I guess I'm just too long-winded to write stories like that on a regular basis, so I'll have to go back to recording random thoughts. Which, since I haven't played computer games to-night, I have been unable to avoid. However, in the interest of functioning sufficiently tomorrow...

Let's go back
back to the beginning
back to when the Earth, the Sun, the stars
all aligned

* * *

I'll let it pass
and hold my tongue
and you will think
that I've moved on


So the happy pop ish isn't that much lighter... Arg. Where's Fatboy Slim when I need him?

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly

* * *

When I sleep I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

* * *

Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits


Perhaps I've been listening to too much depressing music...

I have decided that Clubbed to Death, by Rob Dougan, is my Other Favorite Song. That, or maybe my Favorite Song That Isn't By Fatboy Slim. Because I just can't replace Rockafeller Skank as my favorite song. It isn't every day that you find a song that you can't listen to and be unhappy. Clubbed to Death can be my favorite moody or chillin or cool theme music song or something, but Rockafeller Skank is my favorite happy song, and that will never change. So if I can have two favorite songs without diminishing the esteem in which I hold them both, there they are.

It seemed so close!

I was in the middle of this long post that discussed random things like songs, time, and my computer being fixed... and then it crashed. I guess once in like 5 hours being on isn't that bad, but I thought I was done with this :(

I've lost creative steam, and the stuff I had in the last one sounds dumb now. More when I stop being disappointed.

No, this is the last gasp, because I want to try comments.


Well, the comments work... but the comments page has green writing on a green background. Hmm. Maybe if I knew html I would fix that. Oh well, secret comments it is!

One last gasp before I turn in. Adding another webcomic to my repertoire makes me feel like listing them all, with links for all interested. Mind that not being listed is not an insult to any comic; I don't even have time to read the ones I like most of the time, and I update myself sporadically, the entire missed period at a time. That said, I consider all the comics I read to be rather good, and far better than I could do, at least if I want to keep my day job. Should any of the artists (or their lawyers) object to my linking to their comics, I will gladly remove the link if emailed at tstromberg2@washcoll.edu. I reserve the right to be insulted, should that happen.

My Comics:

Exploitation Now - Though now finished, this one started it all for me. Wicked funny very often, and it had hot chicks with crazy gadgets. No complaints.

Penny Arcade - A classic. Anyone who plays video games should be a devotee, and anyone with a pulse should enjoy at least some of it. And to whoever complained about long posts - they're worth it. Would you like to come over for lunch? I believe we're having money!

Errant Story - The last project (that I've heard of) from Poe, creator of Exploitation Now. Fewer babes, less cool technology... but magic is also good. A more mature venture, yet just as funny.

Angel Moxie - I forget how I picked this one up. Random superhero girls fight evil. Like Powerpuff girls, but with more developed characters, and not so friggin cute. And with aliens or something - I forget the story, it's been a while.

It's Walky - I can't possibly imagine the cartoonist of It's Walky ever planned all the plot twists this story has gone through since its inception as Roomies. If it was all planned from the start, he is both brilliant and utterly insane. In any case, every new direction the story takes is just as riveting as the last, though some are awfully random (The Big Cheese, the power booster rod, the Sensitive Scanner... wow).

Count Your Sheep - Now someone got me started on this one. I have to agree with my source, it is awfully cute. Some of the jokes are just plain laugh-out-loud funny, yet without resorting to the crudeness of so many other sources of comedy. As others have pointed out, it is a throwback to Calvin and Hobbes, which I do miss dearly... (sigh) God help me the day Garfield ends, I will have lost my two best reasons to pick up a newspaper.

Blog's being slow so I'll be brief. Andrew, if you read this (I put the "if" in because I wouldn't blame you if you don't regularly), you'll find this link relevant. It's based on a comic which you have a few books of, I forget the name, with the guy... and the girl... and the other girl... and the mother... and the talking animals... and that one stupid one... That's too many ellipses(ellipsises?), and you know the one I mean anyway.

Blog said something about inserting pictures into blog, and as a picture is worth a thousand words, I figure I can save people out there a lot of reading. More on that after I get some sleep.


And I just ran across another one spoofing Liberty Meadows... (no, I didn't remember, that was on the page).

According to this, I am a Chaotic Good Elf Bard Ranger. I guess that's about right...

First and foremost of my things to do, I'll update the good old blog. Because it's been a while since I had internet access, and I almost managed to put in two cents last night, but became involved in five or six conversations by the time I went to bed. I just got back from taking a 45 minute walk around campus. How, you ask, did I manage to walk an entire 45 minutes around the main campus of a college that (although very lovely) is only home to some 1000 students?

Starting in the middle of campus, on the "across the street" side:
10 minutes - to the parking lot in progress at the other side of campus
10 minutes - to the entire other end of campus, LFC side
10 minutes - back to the middle of campus and through the quad
5 minutes - back down to the other end and across the street to Minta
5 minutes - up to the crosswalk and back to the DH
5 minutes - looped around PS and back across the street to Foster.

Thus, 45 minutes wasted strolling about campus. The time limit was set by the album I was listening to, of which one of the best songs is the last... so instead of skipping to it, I just kept walking. The fireflies were about, but not in the places I expected, ostensibly because they just mowed. Still, maybe it was due to the somewhat contrived lyrics and overdone sweetness gushing from my CD player, but it seemed awfully romantic. With the dying light of a sunset, the lamps already lit along the walkways, a gentle balmy breeze... all that was missing was a sky lit with moon and stars and, in the back, some accordion-playing French guy. I was enjoying it too much to really be sad that I couldn't share it with anyone, and I'm glad I didn't let my unneccessary emotional tendencies ruin my good time.

Thusly, on to bigger and better things. More updates as inspiration strikes me, unless it strikes particularly hard, in which case I may have to recuperate first.

Stolen from Renee:
This was difficult, because it's overall pretty accurate... though for that matter, it is pretty broad, and all of the months have some common descriptions. I disagree with the stuff about impatience and short temper - or else I don't let it control me - and I don't consider myself particularly patriotic... or sexy. But all the rest is pretty damn true. Anyway.


1. Put your birth month in an entry.
2. Bold the five that best apply to you.
3. Put all twelve months under a livejournal cut.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Since I can't do the little internal link thingy - because Blogger is too cool for that =P - see the link under 3.

Tonight I caught the rain.

Poetry is a hard business, and I am too exacting for it.

May Day excerpt from a friend's journal:

yeeeehaw today is nekkdi day and misty renee and i are drunk. not nekiid, but drunk. hi friends! no fiends. i cant frucking tupe. red coke yayyyy. chrissy you are missing a whole duvkibng lot. back to toms! ok!@ i might delete this later but for wtjhospe of you who get to read it at least yourll have a good laugh ok dvbye\!@ misty and renee are both peen aboidant si they avoid bananas! ok bye~!


Yes, it was that good. Huzzah for nudity, cheers all.

It's getting to that time again. Still with the work, still with the little time, but it's a little more collected, a little more solemn this time. More goodbyes, more realization that it will be my turn next. More parallel with the last time I was a junior at graduation. More good friends to look forward to seeing again. More responsibilities that I know I can't truly escape, only put on hold for a few months. More time to myself, more focus on what I want to do and don't want to do. A little more understanding of the worth of an hour, an evening, a semester. I'd like to say a cleaner room... but there's always one more thing to improve.

Maybe next year I'll make time for a relationship. Maybe next year I'll keep my cool and know what I am looking for and how I feel when I really need to. Maybe next year I'll be on my assignments like white on rice. Maybe next year my thesis will be my life, my passion, my opus... Maybe next year saying goodbye to all my friends will be easier than saying goodbye to a few of them this year. Maybe I'll step up and take the reins, and become the master of my domain. You never know until you try...

Beach: good.
"The Swamp:" Awesome.
Road trip with awesome people: Most Excellent.
Presenting Helicobacter to a bunch of other bio people and getting enough compliments the rest of the day to make me feel great about it forget how bad I thought it was: Priceless.

Undergraduate Maiden's Lament to John Keats

John Keats, do you think it's right
To keep a girl awake all night?
Cursing, mumbling, moaning, griping
Taking No-Doz, typing, typing
Analyzing all the modes
Of working out your wretched odes.
A girl to keep her young cheeks rosy
Needs more of Sleep and less of Poesy.

Janet Eisner, from JSTOR

How High Is Your Sex Drive?
Name
Age
Gender
Your Sex Drive Level Is.. - 99%
This QuickKwiz by eva71 - Taken 66712 Times.

;)

So I've made some headway today into my confusion. My life is far from sorted out, but it's a start. I make many starts... now I have to start to finish them. And I kind of like the poetry thing, so I'll keep listening to "I Don't Wanna Know" and being melancholy, at least for writing.

unloved, I am stone
time still falls in endless drops
wetting marble eyes

Women have me stymied again. Big surprise. I think I need to give this a rest. While I am not enamored of the idea of being single for four more months, I need to get my act together. Maybe after that I won't be so stupid.

When I was young
I fell in love
She was a goddess
With a world inside of her mind

When she moved on
Something went wrong
She took my power
And the love I had inside

Now that I've found you
I don't know how to

If I could fall in love again
I'd fall in love with you
If I could change a grain of sand
Into a pearl I would

- Lenny Kravitz, If I Could Fall In Love Again

bittersweet stasis
as I await the return
of love's entropy



Dan's reaction: you had to put science into it, didn't you?

Dammit James, I'm a doctor, not a poet!

Somebody said they saw you
The person you were kissing wasn't me
And I would never ask you
I just keep it to myself

I don't wanna know
If you're playing me keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if you're creeping please don't let it show
Oh baby I don't wanna know

- Mario Winans


In an ironic way, kinda makes me wish I had someone to get bummed over.

What's better than Dave Chappelle's impersonation of Lil Jon?

Dave Chappelle imitating Lil Jon in a skit with the real Lil Jon!

"What? What? What? WHAT? Okaaay! Yeeaah!"


Best Chappelle EVER.

WHO HAS A COMPUTER?

I SAID, WHO HAS A COMPUTER???

TOM, THAT'S WHO!!!!

Now Playing:
Jay-Z, Dirt Off Your Shoulder
Adema, The Way You Like It
among other things.

April? Who said it could be April? So much work to do, so much to think about, so many choices to be made... and I'm going home in a month. Who authorized this???

Life is too short already without being rushed.

"If you havin' girl problems
I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems
But a bitch ain't one..."
- Jay-Z, 99 Problems

As nice as it is to be back, I can't help missing the sunny 80º weather and palm trees. Not missed: living out of a backpack and waiting an hour for everything. Solution: move to California and become rich and famous.

Anaheim bound!

Now playing:
The Darkness, I Believe In A Thing Called Love


So I really doubt anyone is reading this now, but that's ok. It still makes me feel better.

I'm doing much better with everything: diet, exercise (though maybe the "much" isn't deserved there), and even getting things done. However, it seems that things still manage to sneak up on me when I let my guard down. The problem, then, is to figure out how not to let my guard down...

And dammit, I'm getting antsy again, and I haven't even had syrup (a veiled movie reference, is it meow?). I'm starting to imagine interests and think too much on what they could become. I need to either chill or do something. Somehow I can't see myself "chilling," but at the same time I don't think this is the most opportune moment for a relationship. Then again, it's never an opportune time to get sick, but we deal anyway. Not to compare the effects and the sensation of the two, but I do equate the helplessness of the situation - you feel yourself falling into it, but you can't do anything about it even if you try. What's more, they sneak up on you. Looks like it's back to the old drawing board...

"He went like one that hath been stunned
And is of sense forlorn:
A sadder and a wiser man
He rose the morrow morn."
- Coleridge, Rime of the Ancient Mariner

I find that I sigh a lot these days.

"You'll say that we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart"
- Breakfast at Tiffany's

Not-exact Quote of the moment:
"This is for a kid who thinks he hasn't seen anything good today." -Ferris Bueller

I'm in a confused mood right now. I feel like I'm somewhere between the end of the beginning and whatever comes next. I don't have time for life. I don't have time for the life I used to live, and I'm not ready to make time for the life I need to live. I feel like an ant under a glass, like I'm increasingly constricted and the only way to escape is to draw the walls in even closer. There is a feeling that I can't escape, only postpone when I stay busy or absorb myself in something brainless, that it never gets any better than it is now. Little enough encouragement that may be, but despite it I feel that I ought to make more of my life now rather than fret about the future. But I can't. The future hunts me like a fugitive, as a force of nature that never relents, only waits for the next opportunity to strike. The past haunts me when I let it, and every time I try to take a lesson from the past to guide my future, I only sink into those transgressions further, or make greater mistakes. I want more than anything to love and to be loved in return, and I let exactly that slip through my fingers. I let the best parts of everything slip through my fingers, leaving a skeletal existence, dancing disjointed from sadness to sadness. Where is the marrow of life? I am merely on the journey from innocence to experience, and already I wish to reclaim all that has been lost, but I am pushed forward and the only way to go smoothly is to want it, to revel in it. I have to want to let go of more things that I cherish now and will miss in the future. Life requires forward movement, and in it a transition from happiness to sadness. Say if you will that I am missing the positive in all this, but when the only moments in a day that I have to think about my life leave me "a wiser and a sadder man," I find it hard to be positive. Reading Blake, Wordsworth, and Coleridge may not be helping, but not reading can't hide me from the truth: life moves on, regardless of whether I'm with it. It's just days like these that make me wish I could just let it go on a while without me. It's days like this I'd rather let somebody else be the hero.


"There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary"
- Foo Fighters

Now playing:
Random lazy-ish guitar music on the silly Genetics video on Saccharomyces

Who wants to go home? Three guesses.

Now playing:
Jennifer Paige, Stranded
(not really, I didn't rip the CD, but it's playing in my head... or so the voices tell me)



At the library trying to get something done.

So not getting anything done.

And I've been recently thinking about changing the name back to "The End of the Beginning (or Vice Versa)." While I don't think this is at all the beginning of The End, things are beginning to end - my carefree (ie careless) outlook on life, my obsession with electronic entertainment, my overdone and generally unrealistic approach to relationships - though I will find love eventually... - and sadly, many things I cherished in childhood. However, these ends simply add up to the true End of the Beginning, and though I know many aspects of my past and current life will not truly fade as long as I live, I do realize that I can't hold on to everything. Just as I perpetually have to clean my room, I have to let go of the old to let in the new... and so far, there's plenty of good new to let in. So to sum up, the name may change back, because if there's one thing I'm letting go of, it's a nihilistic outlook.

Now playing:
Cake, Short Skirt, Long Jacket

"I want a girl with a short skirt
and a loooooooong jacket..." ;)

In other news, B-day ball rocked all sorts of ways. Better than freshman year, where I was mortified by my date's (i.e. girlfriend's) grandparents' presence at the ball. Better than last year, where dinner was poorly executed, prepartying was rushed, it was freezing cold and pouring rain, and I was all dopey for being dateless. Instead: excellent dinner plans, complete with goofy pictures before and wonderful lovely delicious cheesecake after; excellent prepartying, with fun and crazy roommates who didn't once bring up the fact that I didn't have a date (for that and much much more, you guys are awesome, and damn cool), excellent mudslides, and the requisite Fresca; and a wicked awesome ball, where I danced with the lovely ladies, chilled with previously mentioned roommates, friends, and respective significant others, and only wished I had brought a date a little bit (as opposed to the entire preceding week). Best Birthday Ball ever, and I have a feeling that things are still on the way up.

PS - if the person (names need not be mentioned) who stole Robin's camera happens to be reading this by some wierd twist of fate, for God's sake, return it to Public Safety or something, before Dan breaks both your legs...

Fwahahahaha, someone remembered my existence! =D Anna, I think I lost track of you on IM, and since I first set it to auto-block non-buddies, then experienced permanent computer failure (meaning I'm seriously never online), I have not had the means to talk to you for some time. If you'd like, you can email me at tstromberg2@washcoll.edu, and give me your IM or such so that I can talk to you if I log on at a public terminal.

If it's any consolation, I didn't forget that you exist... 0:)

heh... guess who finally remembered that this (and thus, you) existed?

I won't say I've read all your back entries (yet)... but I remember a time when I thought we were kindred spirits, and we talked all the time.

What happened to that?

Now Playing (at completely too high volume):

[My room]: [techno beat]
[Andrew's room]: "Du Hast!"
[Dan's room]: "Sweet home Alabama..."
[Andrew's room]: [heavy metal guitar riff]
[Dan's room]: "...Lord I'm comin' home to you..."
[My room]: "Smack my bitch up!"


So I was in a little bit of a funk, but the combination of Prodigy, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Rammstein is simply too much. Let's hope that there isn't nearly as much temptation to do nothing tomorrow as there was today. (Reason # 1 why I have to let go of this: I can't take a funk every week!!!!)

A breath of wind now leaves me cold
To watch the dying embers float
Like hope upon the evening breeze -
The spark of love, now scatter'd free.

Now Playing:

What is love?
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
No more
- Haddaway


And so it is that once again there is no one with whom I would start a relationship, only those who I cannot have a relationship with and those who I could have had a relationship with. God damn being single.