help I'm trapped in this blog

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Oh yeah, and the whole point behind posting tonight was this thing about realizing that I have been trying to fill the hole of emotional affection left by not having a relationship by surrounding myself with physically attractive women. Thus, having been without a supportive emotional relationship since Erin before she dumped me (unless you count Beth on her good days, which were good but unfortunately outnumbered by the bad ones), I have been trying to engage myself in the enjoyment of physically attractive scenery. This has been tempered by attempts to enjoy good female company as well, but the fact remains that I am trying to replace a missing ceiling support with carpet or something. Physical attraction and pleasant company are very important parts of a relationship, and perhaps even important parts of a healthy personality, but they must exist in cooperation with emotional attachment, rather than replacing it. This is why people attempt to have purely physical relationships but fail in them miserably, and keep having them because they remain as unfulfilled aferward as they were before. I have, in a sense, had purely physical relationships (though they weren't actual relationships, simply looking) as long as I can remember being attracted to anyone - even before Erin, before I was dating. I wasn't always so interested in such superficial attachments to women around me, but that was before I realized how crazy the emotional trip from crushes can be and before I felt the sting of being turned down. Since then I have always tried to replace emotional relationships by simply immersing myself in the attractive and amiable around me. Sometimes this was because emotional relationship were not available to me, and sometimes it has just been more convenient because hot girls don't stop being hot or going out in public just to spite guys like me who look at them, or because it "doesn't work" for them anymore. There's no guilt, there's no misleading, and it's easy. But I've realized (not now, I'm almost too tired to type right now) that it isn't a replacement for emotional attachment, and that's why I feel lonely. It isn't that my friends aren't there for me - I have wonderful, supportive friends that keep me sane no matter what. However, there's just something missing that all the friends, fun dates, and pretty girls in the world couldn't replace.


And I just read over this and confirmed it's a rambling mess, but maybe I can clear it up tomorrow. The end result is that this superficial attachment to good looks and women in general cannot sustain me, and will probably lead to my emotional demise if I don't get over it. I need to get back to the emotion of relationships, how great it can be to see someone even if the last time was just yesterday, how someone's smile can feel warm inside (not counting shots), how nice it can be to just spend time around someone, doing anything or nothing at all. I need to fall for someone. Again.


I'm ready for a relationship.
Now playing:
Chariots of Fire, from Old School

Previously playing:
my depressive playlist including Coldplay, Dave Matthews, Eamon, and Mario Winans


So I was going to say a few things about our collaboration meetings yesterday and today, but given that we finished initial processing of Sample 6 at 7:30 tonight, and it's now several hours and a few fuzzy fucks later, I am dead tired. (if you don't know what I'm talking about, visit the suite next year and I'll mix one up.) In short: Puerto Rico people were cool, their students were hot, UDel students were still hot, and Andrew and I were critically lauded by all present for knowing our bacteria shizzle. All except Dr. Baker, who didn't critically laud anyone, but did bring my Helicobacter beads. Yay for hot interns and knowing our stuff cold, yay for being able to start Helico work, and yay for fuzzy fucks after a long day. As it's also a special occasion, I'll have one more for the road, so Happy Anniversary to me *clink* and good night.

Monday, June 28, 2004

Now playing:
System of a Down, F the System

I'm in super hyper crazy mode right now for no apparent reason. Anyway, I forgot to mention that I hit 6 sets of 5 reps of 250 pounds on the seated chest press. Not that anyone cares - but I do! Wahoo for mad muscle power!
A few of you will know why this is beyond frickin' hilarious, in a half-sarcastic sort of sense. The rest of you don't need to know. :p




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Now playing: nothing yet, I just got out of the shower

So last night's was a bust, thanks to the good ol' hunk-o-junk that my computer still is, but c'est la vie. Tonight I set out for the sunset (ie the river) but laziness compelled me to the Western Shore instead. There was a beautiful view from Harford, a red crescent slowly disappearing into a fading pink sky. The moon was mysteriously hazy behind a thin veil of clouds, and the fireflies flashed their neon love as always. I couldn't help being surprised, both at the enduring quality of the firefly population and at my own pessimism for their duration. It always becomes more apparent how plentiful they were after they are gone, as it is with most things.

I've had several conversations now with a rather large spider in my shower; he was there this morning, apparently just out to bed because after I finally left him in rather humid peace, he didn't move until I went back for another shower tonight. I could almost hear him grumbling about being awoken so rudely and so early in the evening as he nimbly hoisted himself to higher ground. Considering his chosen spot of exile from the peril of my indoor rainstorm - inside the track of the sliding door - I could have easily squashed him (or her, I suppose) with hardly a second thought. However, the spider did have the good sense to hide away from the spray, rather than be washed down the drain with assorted bodily detritus, and didn't seem any more intent on bothering me than I was on bothering it. I kept a watchful eye on it when not sputtering through shampoo, yet didn't feel particularly threatened - despite the impressive size of his fangs, which must have been the envy of the spider community. Instead, I felt an odd sense of karma: though it would probably just die unmolested by human intervention, I couldn't help but entertain the slim possibility that, after surviving its watery encounters today, it might trap a mosquito carrying West Nile bound for my arteries. On the other hand, I might have failed to see its mean streak, and may wake up tomorrow with a massive welt on my arm, or with a mere stump or something. In any case, I'm sure it feels some sense of gratitude for mercy rather than malice on my part, or whatever passes for gratitude in spiders.

The other day, I was on my way through Smith when the open door to Norman James theater caught my attention. I had recalled a sign listing the afternoon's activities for registering freshmen and parents of said future revenue, and one item on the list was "Student Movies." Having forgotten the video Rebekah had made for one of her Anthro classes (apologies if I got that wrong), I was thoroughly surprised to see a thirty-foot Andrew going through our massive refrigerator. The surprise was not so much at his increase in stature, but at the coincidence of seeing him there... Unfortunately the film was already to the credits, but it was still amusing to see him poke around the fridge, identifying various drinks, cheeses, leftovers, and other random denizens of our food supply.

Now playing:
Beach Boys, Wouldn't It Be Nice
(which reminds me, 50 First Dates was so damn cute...)

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Playing:
Swing Kids, Sing Sing Sing

Dancing:
As I type, badly


I hadn't realized how long it had been since I posted. Work has been more busy than usual, such that, if there's a free moment, I've probably forgotten something. That said, Andrew never seems to forget anything. The man is a laboratory maven...

[unfinished due to technical difficulties]

Monday, June 21, 2004

A beautiful Midsummer's night.

I had intended to take a walk down to the river to see the sunset, but this failed due to the fact that I was too slow about it (despite taking my bike) and that the sun didn't set anywhere near the river.

Despite these shortcomings in my plan, tonight was one of the best evenings I've spent here. The temperature and breeze were a delight, and even without a spectacular sunset, it was beautiful by the water. I watched a small flotilla of ducks make their way down the river, occasionally harassed by the crazy goose that inhabits the Old Wharf's parking lot. A Blue Heron was perched on the floating dock, and the way it kept an eye on me suggested that I worried it more than the avian commotion. Some Canada Geese, either resident or thoroughly lost, stretched their wings and preened on the dock in complete disregard for the whole bunch.

I didn't want to leave, but the wind was picking up and with it, some clouds were systematically invading the sky, hiding a waxing crescent moon. As I turned to leave, I saw the lights of the pavillion all ablaze, presumably for some later occasion, and it made me consider how nice it would be to live by the water. The fireflies dancing in the park and over every lawn on the way home were a constant reminder of how much I love this time of year. I wanted to stay out forever tonight... but I guess I'll have to settle for the memory.

Ah, Midsummer.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Despite being ensnared by a fog of laziness sometime before I woke up this morning, I feel compelled to write something. However, given the fact that the computer hasn't been terribly good to-nite and I am tired and lazy, etc, I will keep it short. Work continues as usual, plenty of Salmonella flying all over the place, and more to come as well. However, call it further effects of the laziness, but I'm starting to doubt whether I really want to do this. I mean, I like thinking up things to solve and solving problems... but things never go right, there are always unforseen complications, there is always an associated level of drudgery... and I Have this horrible sneaking suspicion that I will never contribute majorly to the world of science. This corner of my brain says, just be content doing major surgeries somewhere, everyone likes surgeons. They save people on the front lines, sewing up hearts and arteries and such. Don't try to save the world, because if you fail then you won't have saved anything. Am I getting at anything here, or is it the lonely, depressive laziness talking?

On the upswing, I would like to note, for permanent record, that I now consider my arms to be at least as cool as my legs. No longer do I lack upper body strength! (I just want more, that's all.) And I got my pull-up to the nose level. Just a couple more inches to a real one! Bwahaha! Let the gym purge all intellectual concerns and worries! Reverting to caveman status! (cue the music from 2001, aka Thus Spoke Zarathustra, don't ask me how I know)

Ok, I've gotten silly. Good night, dream of happy things!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Too cute. Ok, now I'm going to bed. Peace all!
I feel there's been a lack of intelligent content recently, and there's this story about a couple of guys and a Washington College Dodge Intrepid that hasn't quite gotten old yet.

So last Wednesday was the first collaboration meeting with our wonderful extended research family at the University of Delaware. All things aside, the meeting went exceedingly well: we discussed everything from the basic procedure to... well, the procedure in depth. Dr. Herson is always a great person to work with and very on top of things, though at least as busy as Dr. Verville (which I didn't think was possible for some time). Her student researchers are also very nice, though very different from past ones. One seemed very knowledgeable and was very open with her thougths and opinions in discussing adjustments to the procedure, which I hadn't really seen even in Dr. Herson's graduate students before. The other was nice as well but less experienced than Andrew and I, which is really unusual for the UDel lab. I think she will be a big help, but she needs to get some proverbial Salmonella under her belt so she can discuss the topic intelligently.

In any case, the research meeting was a wonderful and productive little tea party, and it would have made the trip a very nice one. However, I've gotten ahead of myself. That morning, when I went to pick up the car from the WC car pool, I had visions of the new Accord or whatever it was sitting in the lot. While the ancient purple Intrepid should have been a disappointment, I was more impressed by the fact that it ran after 189000 miles. So we got going, and everything seemed well; the air conditioner ran sufficiently, which is better than some WC vehicles, and significantly better than the truck Dr. C took out last year whose headlights died about an hour from the college.

We arrived at Newark and met Dr. V, at which time Andrew and I noticed a hissing coming from the front of the car. Imagining tires studded with broken glass and nails, I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were fine. It took a while before we noticed the growing pool of antifreeze under the car. Dr. V called her husband, who said it was probably just overflow of the coolant reservoir, and not to worry. So we had coffee and lunch (and I missed a chance to play pool - damn!) and on the way to the science building for our meeting, checked on the car. The pool of antifreeze was large enough that it had run out from under the car, but we decided it could wait until after the meeting, and the engine was still too hot to do anything anyway.

We met, etc, and when we went back out I popped the hood and Andrew checked the antifreeze reservoir. He says the only thing in it was steam; I didn't even see that. So Dr. V had us follow her to a nearby Pep Boys. In the four blocks or so, the heat meter rose from the bottom to the middle - I don't know what translates to "your engine is melting," but I wasn't interested in moving the car any more. So we go in, and the Pep Boys desk jockey tells us their garage is closed for the night. At this point, I was the only one not particularly annoyed, so the cell phones came out and calls were made. After about ten minutes of deliberation with various people, Dr. V just decided to take us home (two hours out of her way). I'm told someone from Buildings and Grounds had the car fixed and went to get it, but I haven't seen it in the motor pool. That's probably a good thing, but regardless, when we have our next research meeting we are taking the newest vehicle they have. Unfortunately, there isn't such a thing as "too new to break"...


So now that I've put the story down in its entirety, I can stop worrying about telling it and forget it ever happened. If anyone asks, or if I find a need to reference the story, I'll simply give out this url. Ah, the conveniences of the Information Age. I guess I'm just too long-winded to write stories like that on a regular basis, so I'll have to go back to recording random thoughts. Which, since I haven't played computer games to-night, I have been unable to avoid. However, in the interest of functioning sufficiently tomorrow...
Let's go back
back to the beginning
back to when the Earth, the Sun, the stars
all aligned

* * *

I'll let it pass
and hold my tongue
and you will think
that I've moved on


So the happy pop ish isn't that much lighter... Arg. Where's Fatboy Slim when I need him?

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly

* * *

When I sleep I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

* * *

Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits


Perhaps I've been listening to too much depressing music...

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

I have decided that Clubbed to Death, by Rob Dougan, is my Other Favorite Song. That, or maybe my Favorite Song That Isn't By Fatboy Slim. Because I just can't replace Rockafeller Skank as my favorite song. It isn't every day that you find a song that you can't listen to and be unhappy. Clubbed to Death can be my favorite moody or chillin or cool theme music song or something, but Rockafeller Skank is my favorite happy song, and that will never change. So if I can have two favorite songs without diminishing the esteem in which I hold them both, there they are.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

It seemed so close!

I was in the middle of this long post that discussed random things like songs, time, and my computer being fixed... and then it crashed. I guess once in like 5 hours being on isn't that bad, but I thought I was done with this :(

I've lost creative steam, and the stuff I had in the last one sounds dumb now. More when I stop being disappointed.

Monday, June 07, 2004

No, this is the last gasp, because I want to try comments.


Well, the comments work... but the comments page has green writing on a green background. Hmm. Maybe if I knew html I would fix that. Oh well, secret comments it is!
One last gasp before I turn in. Adding another webcomic to my repertoire makes me feel like listing them all, with links for all interested. Mind that not being listed is not an insult to any comic; I don't even have time to read the ones I like most of the time, and I update myself sporadically, the entire missed period at a time. That said, I consider all the comics I read to be rather good, and far better than I could do, at least if I want to keep my day job. Should any of the artists (or their lawyers) object to my linking to their comics, I will gladly remove the link if emailed at tstromberg2@washcoll.edu. I reserve the right to be insulted, should that happen.

My Comics:

Exploitation Now - Though now finished, this one started it all for me. Wicked funny very often, and it had hot chicks with crazy gadgets. No complaints.

Penny Arcade - A classic. Anyone who plays video games should be a devotee, and anyone with a pulse should enjoy at least some of it. And to whoever complained about long posts - they're worth it. Would you like to come over for lunch? I believe we're having money!

Errant Story - The last project (that I've heard of) from Poe, creator of Exploitation Now. Fewer babes, less cool technology... but magic is also good. A more mature venture, yet just as funny.

Angel Moxie - I forget how I picked this one up. Random superhero girls fight evil. Like Powerpuff girls, but with more developed characters, and not so friggin cute. And with aliens or something - I forget the story, it's been a while.

It's Walky - I can't possibly imagine the cartoonist of It's Walky ever planned all the plot twists this story has gone through since its inception as Roomies. If it was all planned from the start, he is both brilliant and utterly insane. In any case, every new direction the story takes is just as riveting as the last, though some are awfully random (The Big Cheese, the power booster rod, the Sensitive Scanner... wow).

Count Your Sheep - Now someone got me started on this one. I have to agree with my source, it is awfully cute. Some of the jokes are just plain laugh-out-loud funny, yet without resorting to the crudeness of so many other sources of comedy. As others have pointed out, it is a throwback to Calvin and Hobbes, which I do miss dearly... (sigh) God help me the day Garfield ends, I will have lost my two best reasons to pick up a newspaper.
Blog's being slow so I'll be brief. Andrew, if you read this (I put the "if" in because I wouldn't blame you if you don't regularly), you'll find this link relevant. It's based on a comic which you have a few books of, I forget the name, with the guy... and the girl... and the other girl... and the mother... and the talking animals... and that one stupid one... That's too many ellipses(ellipsises?), and you know the one I mean anyway.

Blog said something about inserting pictures into blog, and as a picture is worth a thousand words, I figure I can save people out there a lot of reading. More on that after I get some sleep.


And I just ran across another one spoofing Liberty Meadows... (no, I didn't remember, that was on the page).

Sunday, June 06, 2004

According to this, I am a Chaotic Good Elf Bard Ranger. I guess that's about right...

Thursday, June 03, 2004

First and foremost of my things to do, I'll update the good old blog. Because it's been a while since I had internet access, and I almost managed to put in two cents last night, but became involved in five or six conversations by the time I went to bed. I just got back from taking a 45 minute walk around campus. How, you ask, did I manage to walk an entire 45 minutes around the main campus of a college that (although very lovely) is only home to some 1000 students?

Starting in the middle of campus, on the "across the street" side:
10 minutes - to the parking lot in progress at the other side of campus
10 minutes - to the entire other end of campus, LFC side
10 minutes - back to the middle of campus and through the quad
5 minutes - back down to the other end and across the street to Minta
5 minutes - up to the crosswalk and back to the DH
5 minutes - looped around PS and back across the street to Foster.

Thus, 45 minutes wasted strolling about campus. The time limit was set by the album I was listening to, of which one of the best songs is the last... so instead of skipping to it, I just kept walking. The fireflies were about, but not in the places I expected, ostensibly because they just mowed. Still, maybe it was due to the somewhat contrived lyrics and overdone sweetness gushing from my CD player, but it seemed awfully romantic. With the dying light of a sunset, the lamps already lit along the walkways, a gentle balmy breeze... all that was missing was a sky lit with moon and stars and, in the back, some accordion-playing French guy. I was enjoying it too much to really be sad that I couldn't share it with anyone, and I'm glad I didn't let my unneccessary emotional tendencies ruin my good time.

Thusly, on to bigger and better things. More updates as inspiration strikes me, unless it strikes particularly hard, in which case I may have to recuperate first.