According to this, I am a Chaotic Good Elf Bard Ranger. I guess that's about right...

First and foremost of my things to do, I'll update the good old blog. Because it's been a while since I had internet access, and I almost managed to put in two cents last night, but became involved in five or six conversations by the time I went to bed. I just got back from taking a 45 minute walk around campus. How, you ask, did I manage to walk an entire 45 minutes around the main campus of a college that (although very lovely) is only home to some 1000 students?

Starting in the middle of campus, on the "across the street" side:
10 minutes - to the parking lot in progress at the other side of campus
10 minutes - to the entire other end of campus, LFC side
10 minutes - back to the middle of campus and through the quad
5 minutes - back down to the other end and across the street to Minta
5 minutes - up to the crosswalk and back to the DH
5 minutes - looped around PS and back across the street to Foster.

Thus, 45 minutes wasted strolling about campus. The time limit was set by the album I was listening to, of which one of the best songs is the last... so instead of skipping to it, I just kept walking. The fireflies were about, but not in the places I expected, ostensibly because they just mowed. Still, maybe it was due to the somewhat contrived lyrics and overdone sweetness gushing from my CD player, but it seemed awfully romantic. With the dying light of a sunset, the lamps already lit along the walkways, a gentle balmy breeze... all that was missing was a sky lit with moon and stars and, in the back, some accordion-playing French guy. I was enjoying it too much to really be sad that I couldn't share it with anyone, and I'm glad I didn't let my unneccessary emotional tendencies ruin my good time.

Thusly, on to bigger and better things. More updates as inspiration strikes me, unless it strikes particularly hard, in which case I may have to recuperate first.

Stolen from Renee:
This was difficult, because it's overall pretty accurate... though for that matter, it is pretty broad, and all of the months have some common descriptions. I disagree with the stuff about impatience and short temper - or else I don't let it control me - and I don't consider myself particularly patriotic... or sexy. But all the rest is pretty damn true. Anyway.


1. Put your birth month in an entry.
2. Bold the five that best apply to you.
3. Put all twelve months under a livejournal cut.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Since I can't do the little internal link thingy - because Blogger is too cool for that =P - see the link under 3.

Tonight I caught the rain.

Poetry is a hard business, and I am too exacting for it.

May Day excerpt from a friend's journal:

yeeeehaw today is nekkdi day and misty renee and i are drunk. not nekiid, but drunk. hi friends! no fiends. i cant frucking tupe. red coke yayyyy. chrissy you are missing a whole duvkibng lot. back to toms! ok!@ i might delete this later but for wtjhospe of you who get to read it at least yourll have a good laugh ok dvbye\!@ misty and renee are both peen aboidant si they avoid bananas! ok bye~!


Yes, it was that good. Huzzah for nudity, cheers all.

It's getting to that time again. Still with the work, still with the little time, but it's a little more collected, a little more solemn this time. More goodbyes, more realization that it will be my turn next. More parallel with the last time I was a junior at graduation. More good friends to look forward to seeing again. More responsibilities that I know I can't truly escape, only put on hold for a few months. More time to myself, more focus on what I want to do and don't want to do. A little more understanding of the worth of an hour, an evening, a semester. I'd like to say a cleaner room... but there's always one more thing to improve.

Maybe next year I'll make time for a relationship. Maybe next year I'll keep my cool and know what I am looking for and how I feel when I really need to. Maybe next year I'll be on my assignments like white on rice. Maybe next year my thesis will be my life, my passion, my opus... Maybe next year saying goodbye to all my friends will be easier than saying goodbye to a few of them this year. Maybe I'll step up and take the reins, and become the master of my domain. You never know until you try...

Beach: good.
"The Swamp:" Awesome.
Road trip with awesome people: Most Excellent.
Presenting Helicobacter to a bunch of other bio people and getting enough compliments the rest of the day to make me feel great about it forget how bad I thought it was: Priceless.

Undergraduate Maiden's Lament to John Keats

John Keats, do you think it's right
To keep a girl awake all night?
Cursing, mumbling, moaning, griping
Taking No-Doz, typing, typing
Analyzing all the modes
Of working out your wretched odes.
A girl to keep her young cheeks rosy
Needs more of Sleep and less of Poesy.

Janet Eisner, from JSTOR

How High Is Your Sex Drive?
Name
Age
Gender
Your Sex Drive Level Is.. - 99%
This QuickKwiz by eva71 - Taken 66712 Times.

;)

So I've made some headway today into my confusion. My life is far from sorted out, but it's a start. I make many starts... now I have to start to finish them. And I kind of like the poetry thing, so I'll keep listening to "I Don't Wanna Know" and being melancholy, at least for writing.

unloved, I am stone
time still falls in endless drops
wetting marble eyes

Women have me stymied again. Big surprise. I think I need to give this a rest. While I am not enamored of the idea of being single for four more months, I need to get my act together. Maybe after that I won't be so stupid.

When I was young
I fell in love
She was a goddess
With a world inside of her mind

When she moved on
Something went wrong
She took my power
And the love I had inside

Now that I've found you
I don't know how to

If I could fall in love again
I'd fall in love with you
If I could change a grain of sand
Into a pearl I would

- Lenny Kravitz, If I Could Fall In Love Again

bittersweet stasis
as I await the return
of love's entropy



Dan's reaction: you had to put science into it, didn't you?

Dammit James, I'm a doctor, not a poet!

Somebody said they saw you
The person you were kissing wasn't me
And I would never ask you
I just keep it to myself

I don't wanna know
If you're playing me keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if you're creeping please don't let it show
Oh baby I don't wanna know

- Mario Winans


In an ironic way, kinda makes me wish I had someone to get bummed over.

What's better than Dave Chappelle's impersonation of Lil Jon?

Dave Chappelle imitating Lil Jon in a skit with the real Lil Jon!

"What? What? What? WHAT? Okaaay! Yeeaah!"


Best Chappelle EVER.

WHO HAS A COMPUTER?

I SAID, WHO HAS A COMPUTER???

TOM, THAT'S WHO!!!!

Now Playing:
Jay-Z, Dirt Off Your Shoulder
Adema, The Way You Like It
among other things.

April? Who said it could be April? So much work to do, so much to think about, so many choices to be made... and I'm going home in a month. Who authorized this???

Life is too short already without being rushed.

"If you havin' girl problems
I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems
But a bitch ain't one..."
- Jay-Z, 99 Problems

As nice as it is to be back, I can't help missing the sunny 80º weather and palm trees. Not missed: living out of a backpack and waiting an hour for everything. Solution: move to California and become rich and famous.

Anaheim bound!

Now playing:
The Darkness, I Believe In A Thing Called Love


So I really doubt anyone is reading this now, but that's ok. It still makes me feel better.

I'm doing much better with everything: diet, exercise (though maybe the "much" isn't deserved there), and even getting things done. However, it seems that things still manage to sneak up on me when I let my guard down. The problem, then, is to figure out how not to let my guard down...

And dammit, I'm getting antsy again, and I haven't even had syrup (a veiled movie reference, is it meow?). I'm starting to imagine interests and think too much on what they could become. I need to either chill or do something. Somehow I can't see myself "chilling," but at the same time I don't think this is the most opportune moment for a relationship. Then again, it's never an opportune time to get sick, but we deal anyway. Not to compare the effects and the sensation of the two, but I do equate the helplessness of the situation - you feel yourself falling into it, but you can't do anything about it even if you try. What's more, they sneak up on you. Looks like it's back to the old drawing board...

"He went like one that hath been stunned
And is of sense forlorn:
A sadder and a wiser man
He rose the morrow morn."
- Coleridge, Rime of the Ancient Mariner

I find that I sigh a lot these days.

"You'll say that we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart"
- Breakfast at Tiffany's

Not-exact Quote of the moment:
"This is for a kid who thinks he hasn't seen anything good today." -Ferris Bueller

I'm in a confused mood right now. I feel like I'm somewhere between the end of the beginning and whatever comes next. I don't have time for life. I don't have time for the life I used to live, and I'm not ready to make time for the life I need to live. I feel like an ant under a glass, like I'm increasingly constricted and the only way to escape is to draw the walls in even closer. There is a feeling that I can't escape, only postpone when I stay busy or absorb myself in something brainless, that it never gets any better than it is now. Little enough encouragement that may be, but despite it I feel that I ought to make more of my life now rather than fret about the future. But I can't. The future hunts me like a fugitive, as a force of nature that never relents, only waits for the next opportunity to strike. The past haunts me when I let it, and every time I try to take a lesson from the past to guide my future, I only sink into those transgressions further, or make greater mistakes. I want more than anything to love and to be loved in return, and I let exactly that slip through my fingers. I let the best parts of everything slip through my fingers, leaving a skeletal existence, dancing disjointed from sadness to sadness. Where is the marrow of life? I am merely on the journey from innocence to experience, and already I wish to reclaim all that has been lost, but I am pushed forward and the only way to go smoothly is to want it, to revel in it. I have to want to let go of more things that I cherish now and will miss in the future. Life requires forward movement, and in it a transition from happiness to sadness. Say if you will that I am missing the positive in all this, but when the only moments in a day that I have to think about my life leave me "a wiser and a sadder man," I find it hard to be positive. Reading Blake, Wordsworth, and Coleridge may not be helping, but not reading can't hide me from the truth: life moves on, regardless of whether I'm with it. It's just days like these that make me wish I could just let it go on a while without me. It's days like this I'd rather let somebody else be the hero.


"There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary"
- Foo Fighters

Now playing:
Random lazy-ish guitar music on the silly Genetics video on Saccharomyces

Who wants to go home? Three guesses.

Now playing:
Jennifer Paige, Stranded
(not really, I didn't rip the CD, but it's playing in my head... or so the voices tell me)



At the library trying to get something done.

So not getting anything done.

And I've been recently thinking about changing the name back to "The End of the Beginning (or Vice Versa)." While I don't think this is at all the beginning of The End, things are beginning to end - my carefree (ie careless) outlook on life, my obsession with electronic entertainment, my overdone and generally unrealistic approach to relationships - though I will find love eventually... - and sadly, many things I cherished in childhood. However, these ends simply add up to the true End of the Beginning, and though I know many aspects of my past and current life will not truly fade as long as I live, I do realize that I can't hold on to everything. Just as I perpetually have to clean my room, I have to let go of the old to let in the new... and so far, there's plenty of good new to let in. So to sum up, the name may change back, because if there's one thing I'm letting go of, it's a nihilistic outlook.

Now playing:
Cake, Short Skirt, Long Jacket

"I want a girl with a short skirt
and a loooooooong jacket..." ;)

In other news, B-day ball rocked all sorts of ways. Better than freshman year, where I was mortified by my date's (i.e. girlfriend's) grandparents' presence at the ball. Better than last year, where dinner was poorly executed, prepartying was rushed, it was freezing cold and pouring rain, and I was all dopey for being dateless. Instead: excellent dinner plans, complete with goofy pictures before and wonderful lovely delicious cheesecake after; excellent prepartying, with fun and crazy roommates who didn't once bring up the fact that I didn't have a date (for that and much much more, you guys are awesome, and damn cool), excellent mudslides, and the requisite Fresca; and a wicked awesome ball, where I danced with the lovely ladies, chilled with previously mentioned roommates, friends, and respective significant others, and only wished I had brought a date a little bit (as opposed to the entire preceding week). Best Birthday Ball ever, and I have a feeling that things are still on the way up.

PS - if the person (names need not be mentioned) who stole Robin's camera happens to be reading this by some wierd twist of fate, for God's sake, return it to Public Safety or something, before Dan breaks both your legs...

Fwahahahaha, someone remembered my existence! =D Anna, I think I lost track of you on IM, and since I first set it to auto-block non-buddies, then experienced permanent computer failure (meaning I'm seriously never online), I have not had the means to talk to you for some time. If you'd like, you can email me at tstromberg2@washcoll.edu, and give me your IM or such so that I can talk to you if I log on at a public terminal.

If it's any consolation, I didn't forget that you exist... 0:)

heh... guess who finally remembered that this (and thus, you) existed?

I won't say I've read all your back entries (yet)... but I remember a time when I thought we were kindred spirits, and we talked all the time.

What happened to that?

Now Playing (at completely too high volume):

[My room]: [techno beat]
[Andrew's room]: "Du Hast!"
[Dan's room]: "Sweet home Alabama..."
[Andrew's room]: [heavy metal guitar riff]
[Dan's room]: "...Lord I'm comin' home to you..."
[My room]: "Smack my bitch up!"


So I was in a little bit of a funk, but the combination of Prodigy, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Rammstein is simply too much. Let's hope that there isn't nearly as much temptation to do nothing tomorrow as there was today. (Reason # 1 why I have to let go of this: I can't take a funk every week!!!!)

A breath of wind now leaves me cold
To watch the dying embers float
Like hope upon the evening breeze -
The spark of love, now scatter'd free.

Now Playing:

What is love?
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
No more
- Haddaway


And so it is that once again there is no one with whom I would start a relationship, only those who I cannot have a relationship with and those who I could have had a relationship with. God damn being single.

Now Playing:
Lenny Kravitz, If I Could Fall In Love

In the greatest of ironies I could imagine, when I finally find someone for whom I desperately want to end my exile from relationhips, I must forsake all my hopes. If I do not abandon my feelings for her, it can only lead to anger, jealousy, and the end of the only way I can be near her. I know it is the right thing to do, as well as the only way "someday" can ever come to be. Why then does it pain me so deeply to let her out of my heart?

Now playing:
Puff Daddy (back in the day), Come With Me
Saliva, Click Click Boom
...and the rest of my motivational playlist.


Gym today, much fun and pumping of iron, and I did cardio without hacking up a lung! (first time in months!!!) Now if I can only remember a water bottle next time...

Busy start to the week, looks like a busy weekend as well. Time to go enjoy the calm spot while I have it. "France is like, 'Fire Ze Missiles!' '...but I am le tired...' 'OK, then take a nap. THEN FIRE ZE MISSILES!!!" (completely unrelated) "Check out my knife!" "You call that a knife? Now this is a knife!" "No it's not, that's a spoon!" "Ah, I see you've played knifey-spooney before..."

Oh, and it looks like we're back to arial. Wahoo.

Work? I have work? Who authorized this????

Now Playing:
Play That Funky Music White Boy

You never know what an hour is until they are too few.

Now Playing:
Sublime, What I Got

Feeling fun and fanciful, possibly due to the Froot Loops for breakfast. The bastards were refilling the Cheerios (standard healthy breakfast fare) but I thought they were just out, so I tried to substitute. It was tasty, though it is certain that not all round cereals with holes are created equal. Just similar.

More likely, feeling fun and fanciful due to having a great time last night. Maybe I'm having a case of selective amnesia again (which wouldn't necessarily be as bad as last time I did that) but no matter how it happened, all the fears and worries and everything bad that was going through my head in recent days has melted away like so much morning fog under a brilliant sun. I like a girl and she likes me. Life is good.

Previously Playing (all damn week, and probably all next week):

If I could fall in love again
I'd fall in love with you
If I could turn a grain of sand
Into a pearl I would

- Lenny Kravitz, If I Could Fall In Love



Brats (bratwurst sausages, for the uncultured =P) tonight, and where am I but stuck at work until 9. I have nothing against a cold brat, but hot off the grill is the way to go, not to mention that I'm missing the Eagles game. While this won't give me a nervous disorder (and I'll probably catch score updates here anyway), it would be nice to chill with everybody for a bit. Last night was cool, but the limited social interaction during a movie is not really "hanging out" with friends, just kind of sitting there facing the same direction, making occasional stray remarks. I don't know how things are with all the couples around me, but everyone seems to be surviving, which is generally a good thing. It does, however, limit the amount of time I get to hang out with members of said couples, therefore making this evening an occasion to be home cheering and eating game food rather than staring at the walls at work. That said, all the googly eyes, smooching noises, and disappearances into bedrooms get me a little down. I have nothing against PDA's, and I'm sure I wouldn't care who was in my viscinity unless it was my parents, but 6 months is a long time...


Now Playing:

My heart likes having hurt
So send the pain below

- Chevelle, Send the Pain Below

Now Playing:

It's my life and it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

- Bon Jovi, It's My Life

So now I'm halfway through my closing shift at the booth. Having played pool for a good hour total and having had (before coming to work) a couple fuzzy navels and a chicken ceasar salad while watching Underworld on our new TV and entertainment center... (pauses for effect) ...I'm in a decent mood altogether, just a little morose or melancholy or some other angsty m-word. I would really rather not be here, which doesn't have entirely to do with my particularly rusty pool skills and lack of something better to do on shift. It isn't really even because I could be at home instead hanging out with my roommates (the reason why I live with them in the first place, other than their electronics and alcohol-legal girlfriends =P). I mean hell, even with my limited connections I could probably even be at Talbot chilling with the KA's, which means dancing with hot girls in the middle of a room so packed that crossing the 20 feet from the front to the back is a challenge.

Honestly, all of these places are cooler than where I am now and what I'm doing now, even though this is not a bad place and activity by far; however, I simply don't really want to be doing any of these things or hanging around any of these places. I don't know where I want to be or what I want to be doing - and especially not who I want to be doing it with - but I just don't want to be stuck in the setting of my life with the characters of my life, living the activities of my life. This isn't a matter of wanting to be someone else, because I am just as happy with being who I am right now as I usually am, though my pool skill could use some work. I just want to get away from everything - from life - for a little bit. One might say that was winter break, but it was not a break from life, just a postponement of college life by (generally inferior) home life. Still life, still everything I am used to and everything I usually love being around. But right now, I feel like I've been stuck here for 19 years, like some sort of purgatory, and I've been wondering what this interlude precedes. Not to get into religion and everything - I just feel like I'm waiting for something, preparing for something, killing time until something happens that my life is for. Maybe it's someone my life is for; I've postulated that before, and I wouldn't be surprised if that completely changed my life. I really don't know. If I did, that would ruin the surprise.

I really don't know what this is. I'm a little tired, not really from the fuzzy navels but just from lack of sleep this week. I'll get over all that, but I don't intend to let myself slip into a funk again - Katie would kill me, among other reasons. However, I can't fix something that I didn't know was wrong and don't know how to fix. The best course of action, then, would be to figure out what's wrong and what I can do about it, and get started on that as soon as I am able. In any case, I've resorted to spouting incoherent babble, so I'm going to go clean off the tables and get myself together for departure... the cafe has had one customer in two hours. So until I'm bored and melancholy-ish again...

In progress: Tom's List of College Stuff

In response to seeing a few list of cool things or general facts about college and college life, I have decided to come up with my own list - the list is actually mostly made, I just have to write down the random thoughts for once. I was going to call it University Universalities, but that sounds kinda geeky, so List of College Stuff stands.

(no numbers until the list is "complete," meaning that it has reached a round number like ten or something)

- The dining hall serves nothing you like all week, followed by everything you like all in one meal.
- You get to appreciate the little things, like real silverware, a free evening, friends you haven't seen in forever, mail, and especially free food, a lot more.
- "Essentials" consist of things such as a TV, email, IM, and your favorite coffee drink.

Now playing:
Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli, Con Te Partiro (Time To Say Goodbye)

I've had other things enter my mind since I was thinking about this, but when I got up this morning, I feel as if I'm letting things go. I still want to talk, but I can feel everything slipping away... as if my mind, or heart, or whatever it is has decided that the time was past and there is no point hanging on to old feelings. While it is always nice to feel pleasant emotions, deep down I doubt that right now they could exist without being colored by recent revelations; instead, like a cut flower, they slowly wither. If I were to talk about this and find reason to feel the same again, I'm sure I could, but even with the most positive outcome possible, I find it unlikely that I could drive away completely the way I am beginning to feel. If this is the case, any heavy dose of the emotion currently slipping away would be just a little too saccharine for me to want to prolong the sensation.

This is no calamity, of course; it just changes the dynamics of the situation again. Being single again, however reluctantly, will be no big change from the recent norm. In all honesty, I wasn't looking for a girlfriend when I met her, and I'm still not looking for any girlfriend. I'm going back to my previous premise: I'll be single until again I find someone who convinces me that I would rather be otherwise. Someone else... Beyond this, hopefully I am 1) well enough to put time into exercise, and 2) focused enough that social and electronic distractions don't interfere too greatly with my general plan. (Not the plan of which I spoke previously - that is both more short-term and far more trivial.)

In any case, having woken up with this feeling means that, just as it has already simmered down into the numbness I am accustomed to while staying at home, I may feel completely different about this tomorrow, or even more thoroughly indifferent. I still want to spend time with her, as I have always enjoyed her company, but consistency in dealing with romantically-awkward friendships is not something I have mastered. For this reason, the whole thing might turn into an emotional dinghy ride on heavy seas, and I can't see where I'll be in a few weeks or months. It is hard to say these days.

Right now I am a little sad to be leaving home; this has probably been the most pleasant extended stint so far, and while that doesn't say anything good about my usual time at home, I can't deny that it was kind of nice. This is not to say that I don't miss college and love being there (as I will probably be later tonight) but I will, for once, miss being at home... for at least five minutes. I'm going to go pack, or play computer games while I still have access to one that works, or both. And maybe listen to my dance playlist, it cheers me up. Right about now, the Funk Soul Brother, check it out now, the Funk Soul Brother...

RebRebRebRebRebRebRebReb... =P

Now playing:
Outkast, various songs (currently The Whole World)

(and yes, I do tend to listen to the same music over and over, but it works for me =P)


Maybe it's just the current Ghetto Pimpin' music playing, but I'm feeling much better in general. I went back and read the rest; it wasn't as much as I thought, and I laughed a bit, kind of like the first part. I will grant that I feel (once again) that I am definitely missing something, but I still think talking vis-a-vis (like the marker!) would be the best course of action. All selfish intentions and ulterior motives aside, there is just something lacking from every form of communication that is not in person. I suppose videophones would be the closest, but the fact that they are rather unpopular either suggests that we are not that interested in the honesty that body language forces, or that we simply want to be able to talk to people without getting dressed, or while cooking dinner or something. But, as usual, I digress. There are few things that I can say "as usual" about my life that I don't wish I could change, but my digressions are just part of who I am. (there, I did it again...)

So I finished reading. Hope is revived, at least to the point of seeking a direct audience for my queries. And all that aside, it may take a few days back to sink in completely, but the temporary amnesia that gripped me last night, erasing my recollection of the WAC factor (2:1), has all but worn off. That is definitely not to say that I'm going looking if this doesn't work out, or that I need a relationship. however, I have noted many times before how different it is to be single by choice or by helplessness, and anything that makes the situation feel more like the former is welcome. The actual situation is always a combination of the two, as long as the individual in question falls anywhere in a very wide middle of the bell curve; it takes a particularly attractive or unattractive person to be single completely by choice (i.e. single in the face of numerous satisfactory opportunities) or completely by helplessness (i.e. completely unable to find anyone - anyone - to date).

Since I have sincere doubts that I am thusly either gifted or cursed, the actual balance of the two is up for debate, but the perception of this balance is all that is actually important to self-esteem. Were a person to have many opportunities but still feel like there were no good options and therefore feel trapped in singledom, they would be particularly unhappy, whereas a person pleasantly deluded into thinking they have more options than are actually available is likely to be far happier than they would be if the truth were presented. Consequently, presentations of this truth are received particularly poorly... as previously evidenced many many times. In conclusion, I'd rather delude myself and be happy than wallow in (and, historically, overdramatize) reality.

I'm done philosophizing for the time being, and I don't feel like either playing games (gasp!) or hitting the sack yet. Hence, I put forth a query to my audience (all two of you) regarding today's events. While in Dover, Mom made her usual offer to buy me a leather jacket (she really seems to dislike my trenchcoat... blasphemy!), but this time the offer was made additionally compelling by the fact that Wilson's Leather was having a 50%-off sale. Even with half off, most of the coats in that store would keep me in Chinese food for at least a month if not purchased. However. There was an indecently nice leather trenchcoat that, instead of making me look like a well-known leather-trenchcoat-and-leather-gloves-wearing student at WC, made me look rather mafia-esque. Ok, maybe that's a stretch, but it was very very nice. Not $200 nice, but very very nice. Maybe even someone-else's-$200 nice... In The real question is, should I or should I not? I'm not going for moral considerations, those are all lost upon me at this point; I'm simply interested in fashion sense from those those who have more of one than I do. This will be further addressed once I return.

Last weekend at home! I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or just pack. Looking forward to seeing everyone again, sleeping in my nice, non-squeaky, non-falling-apart bed at college, and probably bitching out IT for taking my computer for an entire month without even looking at it. Definitely wanting to take the new grilling cookbook for a spin, finally rearrange my room the way I want it, and pick up the new TV I have on layaway (shh!). Even looking forward to the old DH - mostly the company, but it will be very nice to have choices other than "eat or go hungry." But most of all... the good ol' WAC factor. It's good to be in college...

While I am a little tired, and should probably go to bed (let alone the fact that I'm physically ready for bed), I think I'm going to write a bit. It would make me feel better, getting my mind off stuff. I hate to use something as useless as a video game I'm already infatuated with to get my mind off something as important to me (and as contemplation-worthy) as this is, but right now I don't really want to think about it. I've written a second chapter for Psionic [originally Psychotic] Cyber-Ninja Thingy, detailing the origin of the character's talents and the political situation surrounding the game. Yeah, both that bored and want to get my mind off it that badly. (Yet, I can't.) I will spare anyone reading for the ongoing drama and little quips that my life consists of - though recently there seems to be too much of the former and not nearly enough of the latter - the chore of reading through Chapter 2, which is the most boring one so far (that's me trying to be funny... yeah, I know) unless someone asks for it. It's also like twice as long as the first one.

Now that I've scared everybody off of that idea, I'll share my most recent thoughts on the topic at hand. We always see, hear, and read into everything just what we want to. I wasn't going to read any further to spare myself what I missed, but what I read instead made me think I haven't missed anything. Two things are wrong with this. The thing I read first suggests that I have missed something, and that I would definitely be missing it if I continue to treat this situation like I have in the last few hours. The second problem is with my stopping point. I started with some stuff which I think is perfectly honest and, if I read it correctly, positive; that encouraged me to read further. Reading further exposed recent events (damn bottom-to-top structuring... anyone who uses that is asking for confusion =P) that brought to surface something I didn't want to deal with. That hurt, because I have been denying it for some time. I should have stopped there, but I didn't. I read further to the decision, and the truths that came to light there hurt even more than I thought possible. I was ready to give the entire thing up... perhaps not the entire thing, but at least my hopes. However, I've had some time to think about it (I tried so hard not to, but that really was a boring chapter and a hard one to write - SS2 isn't about the politics and science of R-grade cyber-modification, but about blasting aliens and robots and stuff - and it kept creeping into my mind) and I don't think I should do anything, or really feel a certain way, before I read more. Except for the very beginning (again, if I interpret it correctly), I've only read negative things, but there may be positive things ahead, even if they came to a negative conclusion - which I've already read. In conclusion, I think I'll have to make myself read further at some point, just not now because now I really need to get some sleep. It's just so frustrating finding myself going from waiting for an opportunity to being denied that opportunity, then finding I never had a true opportunity to begin with. I'm at the point of trying to find out if I ever really had that chance or not, and if I never had it or I lost it, then I will be disappointed but I will get over it. If I did (and still do), then hope is not completely lost, and nothing blooms in the face of adversity quite like hope does if given the chance.

Goodnight, wherever you are.



Now playing:
Linkin Park, Breaking The Habit:

"I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight"

So I said I've done enough damage, but it's always moth-to-a-flame. Consider the damage done, and consider the end final. And I think the plan will have to be modified.

Goddamn it. Damn everything.


Now playing:
Disturbed, The Game
"Warning: These lyrics might contain offensive language."


I think I'm done for a while.

*ahem.*

(summary of edited text: Now playing, pimpin' club songs - remember the poster, always remember the poster. Not playing, romantic things.)

I had a plan. This does not change the plan. In fact, it reinforces the plan. The plan will continue, and as it has been designed such that failure is nearly impossible, it will succeed. The plan will go forth, and I will be as happy as I was for the first few months of the first semester of my third year at Washington College. Before.

(summary of edited text: Anger, determination, and cursing. Something about going to the gym more and not being sick being nice concepts.)

Now playing: Manson, Rammstein, Slipknot, and other stuff I haven't heard in too long

(summary of edited text: this isn't about causing guilt in any particular reader, so I'm taking the personal stuff offline, to be discussed in the future if the situation arises; if I'm this over it by now, then I'll be fine by tomorrow, or definitely by a few days, at least until I decide to confront my source of conflict. "...but I am tired of dancing, and I am tired of bushes, and I am tired of parlay." And that's the honest truth.)

...a little late, but then I've always been a bit slow, especially when facing painful truths. And I just realized that this is not going to ever be posted. Not in the current form. Or at least not until I've decided on a better course of action than putting all my juvenile thoughts up on a weblog.

(summary of edited text: I've done enough damage to my emotions and psyche for one night, I'll give it a rest now before I realize how much of a dumbass I was and how much of a chance I missed.)

It really is a shame I can't post this whole, in some lights it would be really funny.


Now playing:

Rammstein, Du Riechst So Gut
Rammstein, Feuer Frei
Slipknot, Wait And Bleed
Disturbed, The Sickness

Mmmm, anger and angst. The truest emotions I've had since this time last year.

[edited for audience]

(song lyrics from '03 Bonnie and Clyde)

[edited for audience]

So I just did something that, in retrospect, I really didn't want to do. (summary of following text: blah blah blah, I'm a sad puppy, blah blah blah, I'm too sad to sit back, look at the big picture, and figure out that I really have no business being this messed up over something like this, blah blah blah.) And now it seems that logic and analysis are all that will get me out of this distraught mess, and caution would have saved me the trouble... Damn the whole thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The guitar in Bonnie and Clyde has a distinctly wistful tone right now.

PS- to the powers that be, thank you for returning my blog to whatever odd courier-like font it has archaically used!

From the "you know you've been playing too much System Shock 2 when..." files:

My current idea for a new character is strongly psi- and melee-based, with a possible background in energy weapons - though standard and heavy weapons are just too useful to resist... Throw this in with the fact that my last character was like a psi/marine hybrid (who wasn't terribly focused because I kept wanting to try cool new stuff), meaning that I now am infatuated with the idea of a psi-powered melee ninja-esque character and have ideas about how to do it, and you get the following. (Yes, this is what I've resorted to so I don't lose my mind with boredom.) Without further ado:


Psionic Cyber-Ninja Thingy


Stealing silently along the corridor, he paid vigilant attention to the sounds about him; they could warn of nearly any danger ahead, from the incessant jabber of a protocol droid or the quiet mutter of the zombie-like mutants to the high-pitched buzz of maturing parasite egg pods. This time, his only warning was the subdued whir of servomotors as a cyborg assassin appeared from a side passageway, sending throwing stars aimed with computed precision at his head. He barely twisted out of the way of the first two, and the third would have embedded itself in his neck if he had not ducked behind a support column. Activating his psionic amplifier, he quietly cast an agility spell, then withdrew a laser rapier and burst from behind the column, crossing twenty feet in half a second. The assassin, stealthily approaching the column from the other side, barely had time to react as the energy blade passed through its torso, slicing it cleanly in two.

He turned, raising the rapier for a second stroke, but above the assassin's electronic squeal he heard the familiar click-whirr of a security turret activating. The attack fluidly converted into a dive for a nearby doorway as the assassin, the wall where he had been standing, and most of the rest of the hallway were perforated with antipersonnel slugs. Swearing quietly, he pulled out the psi amp again, this time causing an exponential increase in his circulating adrenaline levels. He could now, with one incredibly powerful stroke, slice the heavily armored turret into scrap metal as easily as the assassin; if he waited until the thing paused to reload, there was a good chance that he could make his approach and dispatch it before it got another shot off. He might even have enough strength left to withstand the self-destruct explosion that most turrets were wired for in the event of heavy damage.

Suddenly, the clatter of the turret's automatic fire died off, and he prepared to make his assault - then froze. In the vacuum of noise that greeted the turret's reload-and-reacquisition-of-target cycle, an uneven thump-thump could be heard echoing down the hall, growing steadily louder. He hazarded a glance around the corner, withdrawing his head before the turret could take aim, then swore again. While he could still manage to take out the turret, the huge, vaguely-humanoid mutant lumbering down the corridor would now have to be dealt with as well, and his chances of killing both of them before the mutant crushed him - or worse, ate him - were looking slimmer every passing instant. Pushing away suicidal impulses, he quickly but thoroughly considered his options. After a moment of frustrating deliberation, he withdrew the psi amp a last time and, smiling grimly, switched the setting to "Psionic Detonation"...

um... arial? ...the hell?

"... and Australia is still like, WTF mate?"

Playing temporarily: Papa Roach, Between Angels and Insects
Playing currently: Seether, Gasoline

If you could see me, you would behold the face of boredom. Sure, I could go finish up my paper journal, start one of the multiple books I have waiting, even play some wonderful computer game... but I don't want to do all that, and what I want to do is not not a possibility for about two more weeks. Damn the dilation of unoccupied time. Damn it to hell.

Post-format, at least this computer only sucks, instead of sucking hardcore like it did a few hours ago. Dell techs are very nice, so long as you have twenty minutes to wait on hold every time they transfer you to another department. Now all Mom needs is a burner for backing up crap and some RAM so the computer is worth fixing, and I'll format it every week if she wants.

Going to make some calls regarding the plans for tomorrow... =D

"...when I was 18... it was a very good year..."

Recently playing:
Usher, You Don't Have To Call
Snoop Dogg feat. Pharell, Beautiful
P. Diddy, I Need a Girl Part 2
Jay-Z and Beyonce, '03 Bonnie and Clyde

Feeling a little down, being alone and planless for my birthday. Not that that's particularly new to me, but this is a special case. I was between getting Bend It Like Beckham and Terminator 3 tonight, and I figured I was ok for a chick-flick-ish movie (and have you seen Kiera Knightley in Pirates of the Caribbean?).

However, I forgot which one I got, so I was all set for some Ah-nold kicking ass and causing large explosions, but instead got teenage female angst over family, friends, and relationships. Needless to say, macho dude Tom is still somewhere in hiding, and vulnerable sensitive Tom is depressed over the lack of company. Being as how this is Centreville, agricultural center and sleepy small town extraordinaire, it doesn't look as if I'll find respite either. Sigh.

If I think any more about this, the risk of slipping into a blue funk becomes considerable. I'd better go blow stuff up and pump iron or something.

Now playing: Good Charlotte, Girls and Boys

Aha, updated on Penny Arcade!

Girls don't like boys
Girls like cars and money...

=P

You know it's bad when I'm getting tired of video games. My music collection is reasonably organized, and there isn't much more I can do with it on the POS computer I have to work with until mine gets fixed. This means that all the computer games I was going to try during break are out as well. Game development on the 89 isn't getting anywhere fast, mainly because I have hit a thorough lack of inspiration - call it programmer's block - that is probably related to the video game overuse. I've ripped through at least five books since I hit the library last week, and the remaining few are most certainly quaking in fear. I've even restarted that written journal, and I still find myself with a ridiculous abundance of time. It's getting to the point that, despite the sad download times this computer suffers from, I'm tempted to get caught up on all the old webcomics...

Incidentally, all I really want to do is go hang out with friends, and that seems to be the hardest thing to do so far. Damn being in the middle of nowhere!

And finally...

*** Seeking New Year's Plans! ***

I have some ideas in mind, but am currently accepting offers... =D

Oh, and since I'm decidedly not a nihilist, or at least not anymore...

Now playing: Linkin Park, Numb

So I've decided once again that uncertainty and confusion are the inevitable results of being around women. I have to say, I've had more clear thoughts on that subject lately than is usual for me, but I have yet to find a definite course of action that appeals to me, and until then I will likely continue to weigh all the different possibilities against each other... and get nowhere. More on this subject if I figure anything out, which - given all the time I spend thinking about it - had better be soon.

Vacation has been more relaxing than I give it credit for; I've had a good time seeing friends I haven't seen enough during the semester, gotten more sleep than one would think possible (thanks to lovely drugs which aren't making me better, either), and spent plenty of quality time with the good ol' video games. It still isn't the same, being alone or just with parents most of the time, but not having to conform to any sort of schedule is positively glorious. I only hope I can spend as much time hanging out with friends during the rest of my time off as I have so far, if not more... damn this living in the middle of nowhereish.

That said, I'm seriously considering a major cutback in gaming this coming semester, no matter what fourth class I get into. I got into the gym this year, but it wasn't good enough, particularly since I've been sick. My current attitude says damn the sickness, a little coughing won't stop me from hitting some weights... the aerobics will come in time. I've already proven that I can, so it's time for a little change and commitment. The only obstacle is this damn lung thing, which is far too well entrenched for my liking; I grant that my next doctor's visit is still a few days away, but the doctor suggested I would feel "like a million bucks," and so far I'm feeling about $22.50.

Anyway, those are the random thoughts of the day. I think I'm starting a paper journal again - i.e. somewhere I don't have to worry about everyone reading my deepest darkest secrets ;) In that case, I may come up with something intelligent to say, rather than this themeless collection of scraps floating about my consciousness. As always, life continues...

Happy Hanuramakwanzmas to all, and to all a good night.

Being single starts to suck when you find yourself regretting missing your chance with a girl.

Best new instrumental: Clubbed to Death, by I have no idea who. It alternates between a very nice piano piece, reminiscent of the piano in that hidden track on Mad Season, and ultra-cool piano and strings to an awesome beat with wierd electronic musical noises. The ultimate I'm-supercool-get-in-my-way-and-I'll-kick-your-ass-but-I'm-still-sensitive-on-the-inside piece. Anyone have any idea who did this, please clue me in.

In nonmusical life, well... it goes on. Things aren't perfect; still some drama here and there, but nothing is ever perfect. Going home in a few days is both a relief and somewhat frightening, as this means I will sleep more than I ever wanted to but I have to both clean my room and move most of my stuff. Again. And I have gotten tired of moving. I think I've been tired of moving since I was 8. Now I move at least 8 times a year. Meh.

Anyway, lab reports don't do themselves, or they would have been turned in long ago. In raw terms, I give myself something like 9 hours to do this. Which means if I had gotten on it ASAP, even just today, I'd have them done already. Comforting. Thusly, I go to do my final labors of the semester, and garner whatever remains of the sleeping hours. Finals, pah - it's the damn projects.

I have a recent infatuation with rap. It all started with the latest Outkast CD I bought, which has Hey Ya and The Way You Move (our current suite theme song). Further, a friend has blubster, which apparently isn't blocked on campus, so he has appropriated for general enjoyment a couple of songs which I have subsequently become thoroughly attached to. Among them: Sean Paul, 50 Cent, Jay-Z, Snoop Dogg... and a lot of Beyonce. Maybe she isn't exactly what one would call hardcore rap, but she has a nice voice that goes well with Jay-Z (hence why I have '03 Bonnie and Clyde stuck in my head) and, to be honest - have you SEEN her? [ogles]

Anyway, I have always liked rap and/or party music, but the recent rash of songs have had particularly high play on my mp3 player. Not that I'm going to start wearing my hat sideways and get me some Tims, but I enjoy at least wishing I had a party at which to play the songs. Ah well, there's always next semester...

All I need in this life of sin...

There, that should keep all you baying content-hounds at... bay... for the time being.

Some people wonder if Chaucer�s Canterbury Tales are an accurate representation of medieval England. No one really wonders if Monty Python and the Holy Grail is an accurate representation of medieval England because it is widely accepted as a mere comedic farce of Arthur�s Knights of the Round Table and their quest for the Holy Grail. In fact, were one to suggest that there might actually be any hint of historical fact in the movie beyond the suits of armor and such, it would be generally considered to be rubbish. To this end, I intend to compare and contrast several important points in each of these works to ascertain which is the more accurate of the two.

Foremost, the Knight in Chaucer�s prologue is represented as a man of valor, though somewhat rough around the edges, and yet capable of telling a long and eloquent tale which was omitted from our textbook. In contrast, the knights of Monty Python can be found singing, invading nunneries, fighting mythical beasts, and engaging in general tomfoolery. There are knights who say �nee!�, knights with three heads, and French knights with outrrrrageous accents and unusual skill at taunting and catapulting animals. It should be obvious that any good knight most likely achieved his station by long and hard battle training, and as such, is a rather grizzled and war-hardened fellow; this is not often synonymous with long and eloquent stories, and typically results in far poorer manners and disposition than displayed by the Chaucer�s Knight. We further distribute points to the knights of Monty Python for their fighting prowess in the absence of limbs, their ingenious assaults upon French strongholds, and their creative use of coconuts.

Second, we consider the figure of the nun. In the Canterbury Tales, Chaucer�s Lady Eglatine is a very attractive and very refined woman, yet remains (or seems to remain) chaste and pure in spite of all the corruption of the church. However, how accurate can this be? It is painfully obvious that any woman as beautiful as he describes would have been married off in an instant, leaving no chance whatsoever for nun-hood. Thus, Chaucer must have either been drunk when he came up with the character, or simply had a crush on the character, either of them causing him to see her in a much more attractive light than she truly deserved. The nuns of Holy Grail were far more realistic in this manner; as beautiful maidens between the ages of 17 and 19 (or something like that), they were rightly cloistered in a castle with such an ominous name as Anthrax to keep away people like that grabby Friar of Chaucer�s, as opposed to Eglatine who traveled along with the company of this common rabble out in the open. The nuns of Castle Anthrax were definitely more lovely and devoted than the nun presented by Chaucer, and therefore far more realistic.

The presentation of the commoners is the most damning evidence of all. Chaucer presents all of his characters with great personality traits and very different costumes, yet the cloths available were almost all gray or brown, and generally very similar, as portrayed in Monty Python. Further, all of the commoners in the Canterbury Tales were undertaking this pilgrimage to Canterbury, but they would have mostly starved in the meantime, as they were not working during this trip. Since there was no such thing as paid vacation in those days, this idea of being able to just up and make pilgrimages is absurd. Further, as plainly stated in the Holy Grail, Arthur is king because �he hasn�t got sh� all over him.� Since Chaucer fails to mention his commoners covered in excrement, he ends up painting an entirely unreasonable picture of them.

However, this can all be summed up simply in the presentation. Whereas Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a highly interesting and informative look into the past that approaches topics like medieval combat and witch-trials in a well-thought and insightful manner, Chaucer�s Canterbury Tales are an inaccurate and ill-conceived set of descriptions of an unlikely lot of people written in an entirely illegible form of English. However, the final point must go to the Tales, for Monty Python makes an irreparable error in breaking the fourth wall at the end, showing Arthur escorted away by the police. Now, if only we could get the gents of Monty Python to bring the characters of the Canterbury Tales to life, then we might have something; I see John Cleese as the Wife of Bath. (Note: this entire journal is written along the vane of Monty Python, having just seen it for the fiftieth time, with the main intent being comedy, rather than thorough slander and misinterpretation of Chaucer. Though that occurred as well.)

This summer was a very interesting one by many standards. I was again at Washington College for an internship studying the persistence of Helicobacter pylori in drinking water. At the beginning of the summer I spent a lot of time at my old high school (QACHS) for Driver�s Ed, which put me in close contact with some of my old teachers and a good friend and mentor. She was able to give me a lot of good perspective on my life at the time, and the experience as a whole gave me a removed look at high school life and what people my actual age or a little younger are doing. Quite frankly, I was a little frightened by that, but that is another story. For the internship I was at WC for ten weeks right in the middle of the summer, and I stayed at one of the cottages on campus mainly to get away from home as much as possible. There were some people on campus that I knew, but fewer than last summer, and therefore far fewer than I am used to having on campus. I still had some contact with my parents and occasionally visits from friends in the area, but the majority of my time was spent alone. Both my second Freshman semester and the following summer were the most alone I had ever been at that point, both times with a single, but still with friends around. However, this summer gave a new meaning to the word alone. Not only was I here with fewer people than ever before, but I didn�t know them as well and I didn�t have time to get to know them better. This is fortunate in the sense that it gave me a lot of time to think about things and get parts of my life in order that were somewhat disorganized at the time � which is something that I not only miss, but could seriously use right now � but I was still lonely for much of the time.

I managed to fill this vacuum with a variety of distractions. I have always been particularly attached to video games, and this summer was a prime time for game time. However, there is only so much time one can devote slaving away to an electronic taskmaster without honestly rotting one�s brain (your parents weren�t kidding!). Further, after long enough hours spent playing alone in a dark room, it just loses its charm. Chestertown is a very nice place to walk around in the evenings when there is enough breeze to keep of the swarms of bloodthirsty West Nile-carrying mosquitoes, and eventually I started to do just that. It was in this calming method of taking up my time that I eventually found solitude, for my travels led me eventually to the Lelia Hynson Pavilion near the boathouse. In the nice evening sea breeze or in the more rambunctious winds before a storm, the pavilion is an incredibly nice place to sit and enjoy the evening while contemplating one�s life, situation, and surroundings. I even managed to compose a haiku once while biding my time there, and it rather embodies the gist of my discourse:

sunset, reeds whisper
soothing phrases; loneliness
becomes solitude

In these daily pilgrimages to the waterfront, often all alone, I felt less lonely than I did at almost any other time this summer. I don�t know if it was the beauty of the view I was treated to when I timed my walks properly with the sunset or if it was just the action of getting out of my room and outdoors, but it seemed to work wonders on any loneliness I felt. I can�t say that I found nirvana or felt at one with the world, but I did feel much happier about being left mostly to myself, and it became much easier to think about some of the problems and issues I contemplated by day. I have never felt quite as strongly the difference between loneliness and solitude as I did sitting on that deck, and I am sorry that I will rarely be able to do the same again, first because of the weather during most of the year, and then because I doubt I will spend next summer here. However, when I occasionally feel lonely at the dorm, or when I wish I had someone to just be around, I can think back to that time and place and feel better.

I feel obligated to, despite having not nearly the amount of time as I did when last I attempted this, put something of even mild intelligence on this thing. Thus, one of my journals follows.

holy shiznit, does this mean Blogger works again?

does it work yet?? does it work yet???

as the page continues to fail to post my entries.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken: The crownless again shall be king.

As blogger refuses to post n' publish anything I currently write... apologies to anyone who reads it, if anyone reads it, if and when this post makes it onto the blog.

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I've travelled the world
And the seven seas

Everybody's looking for something

(The Marylin Manson version, of course)

it's figurative, see... =p

I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down to clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell I wait and bleed

-Slipknot, "Wait and Bleed"

On the upside, the world has not imploded... yet. Assuming that's a good thing.

It's official, the world's a f***ed-up place.

As I have less than an hour to say it, Happy Birthday Albert Einstein!

And now, interesting quotes:

"Silence is speech as well." -some proverb somewhere

For the sake of small IM profiles... the link to my soon-to-be-offline quiz is as follows:

Return of the Nihilist

Who would have thought that spring break was so exciting... I'm allergic to my house and the best trip I've made was back to college... this year Chestertown, next year the world!!!

Der Wahnsinn
du riechst so gut
gleich hab ich dich
die spur ist frich
ich geh dir hinterher
dein warmes blut
jetzt hab ich dich

German cheesecake and formalwear? scheizer!

these five words in my head
scream are we having fun yet

happy Birthday Ball, ladies and gentlemen.

Being as how the icy hell is now coming to a close - yes I like snow, yes I like time off... but there is the snowflake that breaks the moose's back, so to speak - and my little break from reality is over, I find myself waking to three tests and a few papers... Isn't there a law against loading college students with work after snow days? Blizzards are stressful, you know...

...or both.

I've got plenty to say, but none of it is coming out right, so I'm not going to bother right now.

So I had this dream a few nights back, where I go to the dining hall for dinner, but the cafeteria lady won't take my card. So I look at the card (which, mind you, is pretty beat up in real life, but still functional) and all the writing and the picture have almost completely faded off. I try to tell her that it really is my card, and that if she charges the meal on it it will work anyway, but she won't believe me. Does this mean that I feel I am losing myself, and that it does not go unnoticed, but I continue to perpetuate the self I have created? It would appear that I have some thinking to do.

Hey Anna, long time no see =) I'm not off IM, but I have auto-blocked anyone off my buddy list, so if you want to, send me your new SN (if that's why you don't see me). In any case, I welcome anyone back who was on this previously, should they choose...
* * *

Heh... So somebody does post to Blogger these days... I'll bet you forgot you had anyone else allowed to, Tom... But anyway, I'm glad to (kind of) hear from you, after you apparently dropped off the face of AIM... Cheers...

On another note, we were practicing intramuscular injections (of just saline) with lab rats in Comparative Physiology, and a few days later the professor brought in two rats for Intro Pharmacology; my poor rat ended up getting shot up with an equivalent to cannibus. So we thought it keeled over after a few minutes, but ten minutes or so after the injection, he tapped the cage and the rat jumped like it had been shot... then a minute or two later, it just kind of flopped over on its side like a dead fish. The really funny thing (poor rat!) was that a bunch of people muttered that their friends were just like that most of the time... and I just kept thinking of a rat with an afro singing "cause I got high."

No matter what they say... Biology's a trip =p

So about this blog I never update...

I end up working the closing shift on Saturday. As in, the Saturday after they said I couldn't work because I had too many daytime hours. So they give me a 3-hour closing (which I didn't particularly want) after they deny me a 4-hour event I wanted.
...
riiiiiiight.

Just checked my grades.
I haven't done that badly in years.
years.
I'm going now.

Right, so now we can't play pool at work, added to the fact that we couldn't watch TV for a while now (ie we couldn't put down on the couch and put up our feet... checking out a show is still ok), and I know we've been told that we shouldn't just sit in the booth and do homework all shift. Now, while I like doing nothing as well as the next guy, and I realize that ignoring our job doesn't help our image... well, neither does looking like we're bored out of our minds. Which it looks like we will be. So I ask... wazzupwitdat?

now presenting the nihilist zone... in technacolor!

i've found that being what's right doesn't mean it hurts any less

good night all

(sigh)

closing shifts are not quite the bane of my existence... but I like not having to work when I work. And if I am going to be sleep-deprived, I want it to be because I want to... Eh, I'm being too picky. Ain't nothin' wrong wit cash money. ;)

[insert Seether lyrics here]


* * *

the past is gone
it went by like dust to dawn
isn't that the way
everybody's got their dues in life to pay

...

all the things come back to you

Right, so I woke up at 730, had class, work, and homework in the spaces between until about 6, and then a meeting... why is it 9 already? At least I'm getting over this cold - yes, hacking up a lung is progress! Hoping to be well in time to enjoy the 60� (!) weather this weekend... Anyway, cheers to any or all who are reading, and if you know me, IM me if you want in with the lunacy. ;)

So I'm reading my old posts, and I realize I really am an ass quite a bit... if anyone to whom I refer ever reads this, I apologize for previous ass-ness. Will try to keep it to a minimum.

FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

The lunacy continues..... 0.o